


Box of Rain

by galinda



Series: Box of Rain [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: 1980s, Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Drug Use, F/M, High School, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-06-19 06:43:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15504591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galinda/pseuds/galinda
Summary: Isabelle Lightwood thought she had everything figured out. She knew how to navigate around her parents' strict rules, which boys were worth talking to, and how to get to the top of every social pyramid.When she discovers a secret side of her nerdy older brother, her whole system falls apart, and she's left questioning all she's ever known.official playlist: https://8tracks.com/andywarwhore/box-of-rain-a-shadowhunters-au





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you love the 80s as much as I do.

 

 

The sound of forks scraping plates fills Izzy’s ears as she sits at the dinner table. It’s silent among her family as they pick through their mother’s meatloaf. She looks up to her older brother, who’s staring blankly at the salt and pepper shakers on the table.

“Today at lunch this kid slipped on a milk carton, and the spaghetti flew right off his plate into Diane Spinelli’s lap. She started crying and everything, it was pretty funny,” Max, her younger brother says. He laughs as he puts a bite of broccoli into his mouth.

“Maxwell, you shouldn’t laugh about something like that. That poor girl is probably horrified,” their mom says, standing up to clear the table.

“Oh come on, Maryse, let the kid laugh. It’s funny,” their dad says. He laughs with Max for a moment before turning to his other children. “So, how was school today? Alec, how was your chemistry test?”

“It went well. Some of the problems were recycled from the homework,” Alec says, pushing around his food on his plate. “After the robotics competition tomorrow the team is meeting at the drive-in to see the showing of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I’ll be home late… If that’s okay.” Izzy snickers to herself. She’s pretty sure that’s the nerdiest sentence she’s ever heard.

“Well, I suppose tomorrow is Friday… Just don’t be out too late. Isabelle?”

Izzy brushes a strand of hair out of her face. “Nothing much. Just got some homework. Cheer practice went well. Tomorrow night there’s a homecoming committee get together at the Malt Shop; can I go?”  

“I suppose. Only if you get an A on that math test you’ve been preparing for. I don’t want all these extra activities to affect your grades.”

“Don’t worry about it, Dad. When have I ever let you down?”

 

“So then Mandy starts yelling at Janie about how she was calling Brian’s house, and- Hey, are you listening?” Clary, Izzy’s best friend, asks as she stacks books in her locker. They stand out in the crowd of students, their matching uniforms symbols of popularity.  

“Sorry, you’ll have to tell me more about it at lunch. I’m just stressing out about this trig test. If I don’t pass it then my Dad’s gonna take me out of cheer and everything.” Izzy sighs and leans against her locker.

“That sounds like something my dad would do too. He is such a dictator,” Clary responds. “Then we should get going. I don’t want the teacher to freak out if we’re late or anything. If you weren’t on the team, then we wouldn’t be able to-“ Suddenly Clary’s books fly out of her hand, landing on the floor with a thud.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there, Ginger,” a tall, blonde boy in a rugged leather jacket mutters. He runs a hand through his hair, smoothing out the choppy layers. “Here, let me help you with that. My bad, really,” Izzy and Clary watch as he leans down and starts picking up the books. They slip through his fingers, falling to the floor again. “Oh, God, I’m such a butterfingers, really.”

“Come on Herondale, quit trying to see up their skirts. Let’s get going before someone sees us,” A girl behind him says before hitting the back of his pants with her hand. “If I get one more detention I’m gonna put gum in your hair.”

With a laugh, the boy gets back up, without the books in hand. “Jesus, alright. You can be such a psycho sometimes Roberts.”  

“You’re a real piece of work, Jace,” Izzy spats before picking up Clary’s books herself.

“Yeah, yeah, see you around, Lightwood. Tell your brother I need some ‘special tutoring’ this weekend,” Jace says, giving the cheerleaders a sly smile as he walks away. Clary watches as he slides his hand into the girls back pocket.

“People like them are the worst,” Izzy says. She shuts her locker angrily, and they start walking down the hallway.

“I know,” Clary says. “They think they’re so cool because they skip class to go smoke and do it in their cars.” They arrive in the classroom and sit down in their usual spots, near the front of the room. “So, what do you think he meant about ‘special tutoring?’”

Izzy shakes her head, pulling a pencil out of her backpack. “I don’t know. I hope he’s not picking on Alec again. I thought that ended once he hit his growth spurt freshman year.”

 

After lunch, Izzy runs to her locker to grab her notebook, only to spot her brother coming in from the back parking lot. She opens her mouth to talk to him, but closes it abruptly once she spots the same blonde hair from before. With wide eyes, she watches as Jace pats Alec on the back, laughing. The same girl from before tosses a cigarette butt onto the floor and smashes it with her boot.

They part ways, and Alec spots Izzy down the hallway. He waves and walks up to her, adjusting the straps on his backpack. “How’d your test go? Do you think Dad will let you go to the Malt Shop tonight?”

“It was fine…” Izzy trails off, looking back at the cigarette butt again, then back to her brother. “Jace isn’t bothering you again, is he? Because if he is, I’ll kick his ass.”

Alec’s cheeks turn red, and he looks around. “Izzy don’t… don’t say that so loud. I don’t need my little sister fighting my fights for me. And no, Jace and I are friends now.”

“What? Alec, he used to flush pages of your textbooks down the toilet. Since when are you friends with him?”

“That was a long time ago, Izzy. People grow up.”

“Yeah, but… you’re not… I don’t know… Like them.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Izzy shrugs, looking up at her brother. Alec frowns, crossing his arms over his turtleneck. “What? I’m too much of a nerd to hang out with them?”

“Alec, you know that’s not what I meant. You aren’t a nerd. But you aren’t a burnout either, okay? If I hear Jace got you into trouble I’ll  kick your ass too.”

The warning bell rings, and the crowds of students start to scatter. “Whatever. I’ll see you at home,” Alec mutters, before disappearing in the sea of teenagers. Izzy rolls her eyes, resting her back into her locker.

“That test was so easy. There’s no way you failed it,” Clary says, coming up next to Izzy. Simon trails behind her, fidgeting with a rubix cube. “So you’ll be coming with us to get milkshakes right?”

Izzy nods. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there.” Clary smiles. “Hey, Simon?”

Simon flinches, startled by Isabelle’s attention. Clary never excluded Simon when she became a cheerleader and gained popularity, but he never necessarily felt welcome in her friend group. “Yes?”

“Would it be inappropriate for a few of us to go to the robotics competition and cheer for you guys? Alec’s been kind of distant lately and I thought it would cheer him up.”

With a frown, Simon looks around for a moment before looking back to Izzy. “Alec hasn’t been to robotics in like two months. He quit after the regional. The whole team was pissed.” He shuffles his feet as Izzy’s eye widen, looking at him in shock. “I’m sorry, I thought you knew. But if you want, I would love it if you-“

“Why would Alec quit robotics?” Izzy interrupts, looking over to Clary. The two start walking to their next class, a flustered Simon trailing behind them. “He loves robotics club. Last year he almost sacrificed going to visit our grandparents because of championships. When Dad didn’t let him he lost it.”

“I remember that,” Clary says. “But if he quit robotics club two months ago, then what has he been doing after school all this time?”

“I have a feeling Jace Herondale is involved,” Izzy mutters.

 

Later that afternoon, forgetting about her brother, Izzy focuses on applying the mascara Clary handed to her a second before. The two girls get ready in silence, accompanied by the quiet hum of New Order playing from a record. Satisfied with her work, Izzy leans back from the mirror and admires herself. Having changed out of her cheer uniform, she’s changed into a dress shorter than what her parents would approve, along with one of Alec’s ratty denim jackets.

“So… who is it gonna be tonight?” Clary asks, pulling her hair into a loose ponytail tied with a scrunchie. “Meliorn or Raphael? They’re both gonna be there.”

Izzy rolls her eyes and collapses onto the bed. “Don’t remind me. Last week at the game, Raphael held my hand. But on Tuesday, Meliorn called my house looking for me. My dad answered, and he freaked.”

“That is so embarrassing!” Clary exclaims, laughing and grabbing her bag. “You know, maybe we’ll see Jace tonight.”

“Yeah, then maybe I’ll figure out what my brother’s been doing all this time. You know, I bet Jace just has him around to make fun of him and Alec doesn’t even realize it. ‘Special tutoring’ is probably just making Alec do his homework for him.”

“I don’t know, I think Jace is a nice guy if you get to know him.” Clary says, helping Izzy off the bed.

“And when did you get to know him?” Izzy asks.

Clary sighs. “Well, I haven’t yet. But I will. I hope.”

 

“I’m telling you man, _American Beauty_ is the best album ever created. Robert Hunter is a lyrical genius,” Jace says, taking another hit of his cigarette. He dusts off the ash out of the car window. “I wish I never listened to it, just so I could listen to it for the first time again.”

“Whatever. I’m just saying, nothing can compare to anything by the Stones. And if you disagree you’re crazy.” Maia argues. She reaches to the front seat, grabbing the cigarette from Jace’s hand. “Right Alec?”

Alec takes the cigarette from back from the girl, taking a drag before answering. “I’m not one to take sides.”

“Whatever,” Maia says. “Are we almost there? I told Magnus we’d be there by nine, and almost a quarter after.”

“Get the stick out of your butt, Roberts.” Jace complains. “Look, we’re here.” He stops the car outside of a dark house, and honks the horn to the beat of the cassette playing.

Alec watches as two figures emerge from the house, unable to identify them until they get to the car door. A girl that Alec recalls seeing around school gets in the front seat, wearing the shiniest silk button-up he’s ever seen. She turns around and smiles at him before holding out her hand. “Catarina,” she says, smiling. Alec shakes her hand hesitantly. “And this is Magnus. But you probably know him better as Hamlet.”

A boy slides in next to Alec, knocking their knees together through his ripped jeans. “Shut up, Cat, no one went to that stupid play.” His hair is spiked upward with streaks of red mixed in the silky black. Alec tries not to stare at the tint of eyeliner smudged under his eyes. “So, perfect Alec Lightwood hangs out with the bad kids now, does he?”

“I…” Alec starts. “Sorry, have we met before?”

Everyone in the car laughs, especially Maia, who grabs Alec’s shoulder and squeezes it. Magnus smiles at him, chuckling softly. “Not in person, no. Maia and I have woodshop together and she told me all about how one of your essays was in a magazine last year.”

“Oh, yeah,” Alec mutters, shrinking into his seat. Jace speeds out of the neighborhood, taking a hard left at a stop sign. Not wearing a seatbelt, Magnus slams into him, their heads bumping together. “Damn it, Jace,” Alec complains, grateful that no one can see his blushing in the dark.

“Do you want to get there on time or not? We’re running late, and I’m not getting pushed to the back again like last time.” Jace yells, pressing down on the gas pedal. A car honks at him as he cuts them off on the main road.

“If I see another poser in a black flag t-shirt tonight I’m starting a riot,” Maia says, watching Alec toss the cigarette butt out the car window.

 

“I’m gonna get us some beers. Don’t wait up for me,” Catarina says once they’ve arrived at the venue. Alec feels his shoulders tense up, but doesn’t object. As the drums on stage start to pick up, he’s pulled into the growing crowd of people.

The people around him start swaying with the music, and Alec feels the weight on his shoulders being pulled off with every move. Lectures from his father, hours spent studying and all the lies he tells to his family don’t matter when the music’s playing. The beat picks up, and Alec finds himself being thrown around in the crowd, bumping into both strangers and familiar faces.

Jace throws himself in front of Alec, laughing and head banging. He gives Alec’s shoulder a push before disappearing closer to the stage. As the first song comes to an end, another one picks up with an even faster beat. Magnus crashes into Alec’s side, spilling beer onto his jeans. He holds a cup up to Alec’s hands, singing along to the lyrics.

“Thanks,” Alec yells over the music the best he can, but Magnus doesn’t say anything in response. Instead, he chugs what’s left of his beer and rams his shoulder into Alec’s, then back around in the rhythm of the crowd.

As the night rages on, Alec feels beads of sweat dripping off his forehead. He sees his friends periodically, but for the most part, he’s alone in the crowd. Once the band slows down, and gets to more mellow song, he pushes his way out of the pit.

It looks like he was the last of his friends to do so. Alec laughs to himself as he spots Maia and Jace making out in the corner, a little too handsy for a public space. Catarina and Magnus sit talking on one of the ratty couches, and she waves Alec over.

“You look a little worse for wear,” Catarina says. “Is this your first show?”

Alec sits further down on the couch, a few feet away from Magnus. He wipes sweat off his brow, and takes a deep breath. “I’ve been to a few but… usually I just watch from the sidelines.”

Catarina laughs. “You look like you’re having a good time,” She looks between Magnus and Alec for a moment. “Well, I’m off. Some old friends invited me out. See you tomorrow?” Magnus nods, and they do a handshake that Alec hasn’t seen before.

Once Catarina’s out the door, Alec feels Magnus’s gaze shift to him. “What did you write about?” Magnus asks, scooting in closer to Alec.

“Write about… what?” Alec responds. He notices how he and Magnus’s knees are just inches apart.

“Your essay. The one in the magazine. What was it about?” Magnus leans back and lights a joint. Alec watches how he takes a drag and blows the smoke out slowly. The way it frames his jaw makes Alec feel something in his chest that he hasn’t before.

“Eternalism. The philosophy of time,” Alec responds.

Magnus laughs, throwing his head back. “We’ll have to talk more about that when I’m sober,” He holds out the joint to Alec. Alec stares at it for a second, but takes it. In the last few months he found solace in the rule breaking, trying stuff he normally wouldn’t. But he had yet to try any drugs, besides tobacco. “But that’s for another time.”

Hesitantly, Alec puts the end of the joint up to his lips and inhales. He coughs for a moment, but forces himself to stop. With a smile, Magnus takes it back, and they pass it among each other until the paper is almost all ash.

Maia comes up to them, her lipstick smudged. “Stop being losers and get up, things are getting real out there,” She puts both her hands out to each of her friends. Magnus grabs it eagerly, laughing at pulling himself up. Alec stares at Maia’s hand.

Jace comes up behind her, wrapping his hands around her waist. “Dude, you’re so gone,” he laughs, and together he and Maia pull Alec up. “I gotta get me some of whatever that is.”

Alec feels like air as he’s dragged back into the pit, the speakers blowing his ears out. Jace jumps in front of him, throwing punches at the people around them. Clumsily, Alec follows suit. He pushes Jace once, then finds himself being thrown around, deeper back into the crowd. Bodies hit his in a blur, and the beat of the drums echo in his head. He thinks he sees Maia and Magnus at some point, but eventually everyone bleeds together.

Until there’s suddenly a sharp pain in his cheek, and he’s snapped back to reality. He hears someone mutter ‘sorry,’ but doesn’t recognize anyone around him. He feels the heat of blood dripping down his face, and stumbles out of the crowd. He hears someone calling his name, but all he can think about is feeling fresh air on his face.

“Alec!” He hears the voice again, but can only focus on getting to the door. “Alec, wait!”

Jace runs forward and grabs Alec’s shoulders, pulling him up. “Come on man, we need to get you home before-“

“Alec?” Another voice cuts in, and both boys look up to see a group of people, illuminated in the streetlight. Isabelle stands at the front of the group, her arms crossed. “You are so dead.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long. school started. the next one should come sooner.

“You’re lucky I’m good at this,” Izzy says as she finishes blotting powder on Alec’s cheek. She takes one last look at her work before backing up. Alec doesn’t say anything, instead he just looks at himself in her mirror. “Don’t worry, it’ll fade in a few days. But, maybe if I knew more, then…”

“I already told you, it was just a cover band,” Alec groans, falling back onto Izzy’s bed. He looks up at the butterfly stickers on her ceiling.

“A cover band doesn’t explain why you have a bruise on your face, or why you lied about going to robotics after school. I’ve been able to tell if you were lying our whole lives. But I fell for it every time,” Izzy says. She grabs her purse off her desk chair and hooks it around her shoulder.

Alec sits up, looking at his sister with pleading eyes. “Izzy, I’m sorry, but-“

“I don’t want to hear it right now, Alec. Right now I just want to go to the mall with Clary and pretend like my brother wasn’t deceiving me all this time.”  Izzy walks out and slams the door, leaving Alec alone in her room.

 

“So what are you gonna do? Rat him out? He would be grounded for life,” Clary says, sipping her soda loudly.

“I don’t know. I just can’t believe he would lie to me like that,” Izzy says. “We tell each other everything, you know?” She reaches over and takes one of Raphael’s French fries.

“Not necessarily,” Raphael joins in the conversation. “How many boyfriends have you had that you didn’t tell him about? Even last night, you lied and said you were with the homecoming committee when in reality you were with me.”

Izzy rolls her eyes, and slides in the fry basket away from him. “That’s not as bad as lying to your sister’s face for two months straight. And he was out with Jace Herondale and his burnout friends.”

“You shouldn’t be so worried. Alec’s smart, he can handle himself. The worst that could happen is he eggs a few houses,” Raphael says, receiving a horrified look from Clary and Izzy. “What I’m trying to say, is that maybe it’s time you take your separate paths. He can’t be the introverted, geeky Alec forever, or he’s never going to get anywhere in life. It’s good for him to have friends that don’t just play board games in their basements every weekend.”

“I guess you’re right,” Izzy sighs. “Over the summer, he and Simon spent an entire weekend in Alec’s room eating potato chips and watching Star Trek.”

“I usually am,” Raphael says. He stands up and straightens out his sweater vest. “Well, it’s almost my shift. I’ll see you tonight?” He looks at Izzy. She smirks, not answering. With a sigh, he waves and walks off, disappearing in the lines of people shopping.

“Maybe you should hang out with them,” Clary says. “Jace might not be as bad as you remember.”

“You just think he’s cute,” Izzy responds. Clary stares at her for a second before laughing. “Fine, I guess I’ll try. But don’t get any ideas. I’m doing this for Alec.”

 

“What’s the worst that can happen, you get grounded?” Maia says, flipping through the records stacked along the shelves. “Just sneak out.”

Alec sighs. “I don’t care about getting grounded. I care that Izzy’s mad at me. I’ve never lied to her like this before, and I hurt her.”

Maia picks out a used Psychedelic Furs album, investigating the quality. “Yeah, this is your next assignment,” she says, handing it to him. “It was about time your sister found out anyway. You aren’t the same introverted geek you were when we were younger. She can’t baby you forever. If she doesn’t like it, then too bad.”

“ _Mirror Moves_?’” Alec says, holding the colorful record sleeve up by his face.

“Jace would never let me hear the end of it if he knew I listened to it, but Magnus showed it to me last year. It’s like, his favorite thing ever,” Maia responds as she continues browsing. “Speaking of Magnus… you two were getting pretty close last night.”

Alec feels his cheeks become tinted with pink. “We were talking,”

“That band covered some of your favorite songs, and you didn’t even bat an eye. The Alec I know would have stage dived at the first chorus,” Maia looks up at him. “Be honest. You liked talking to him, didn’t you?” She smiles, inching closer.

“I guess. Why does this matter?”

Maia smiles, but backs up. “It doesn’t. But if you’re gonna listen to that album later, you should do it with him. He knows everything about like, every song. He works at the diner on thirteenth until 8 on Saturdays.”

Alec looks back at the record, the colors hurting his eyes. “Why are you so adamant about Magnus and I hanging out? We met last night.”

“Because as much as I enjoy ruining the geeky Lightwood, I want you to be your own person. Jace and I can’t be your only friends.”

“You just want him alone,” Alec says. Maia punches him in the shoulder.

“It’s not like that. I told you, we just hook up. I would never actually date the guy,” Maia says. “I know I give off this rebel vibe, but I have ambitions. I get decent enough grades to go to college… Jace is gonna end up in jail one day, and I don’t want that. Not for me, and not for you.”

“I think you’re forgetting that I’m still valedictorian,” Alec says.

“Shut up, or I swear to god I will beat you up again,” Maia says. They both laugh, turning back to the records.

 

Aside from the occasional DnD game, Simon found himself alone these days. It wasn’t something that necessarily bothered him. Alec had announced his departure from not only robotics, but also any extra academic activities he had with Simon. He had accepted during childhood that eventually Clary would figure out that they weren’t in the same circle. Freshman year, as she had stayed after school for cheerleading tryouts while he joined AV club, he knew it had happened. If anything, he was glad that she still talked to him in the hallway and went to family dinner once a month.

While he made his way through the mall, newest Star Trek figurine in hand, he pondered what his life would have been like if he had taken the time to get better at sports instead of school, maybe gotten popular. If that was the case, then maybe Clary would have liked him back.

His thoughts are interrupted as he nearly walks into a small group of people. He looks up to see the unfortunately familiar face of Jace Herondale, smiling at him. “So this is Simon, right Alec?” He points his finger at Simon’s face, his fingertip just inches away from his nose.

“Jace,” Alec mutters, grabbing Jace’s hand and forcing it down. “You don’t even know him. Leave him alone,” Simon looks over at his former friend, who doesn’t return his gaze. For the first time since Alec distanced himself from everything he and Simon had together, Simon realized why.

Alec was _cool._ His hair was a few inches longer, wavy and choppy like Simon had seen on TV. His clothes were different, more fitted, unlike his ratty Star Wars t-shirts. Even the way his faded jeans were torn intrigued Simon.

 This version of Alec, he knew, was not his friend.

“Relax, Lightwood, I’m just introducing myself to the guy,” Jace says, “So… what’s this?” Before Simon even realizes it, Jace snatches the bag out of his hand, revealing the boxed Captain Kirk. “Damn, you still play with toys? We graduate soon, man, that’s embarrassing.” He tosses the box to the ground, and Simon watches as it lands by his feet.

“ _He_ graduates soon, Herondale, we still don’t know about you,” a girl cuts in, pulling Simon’s eyes back up. Jace gives her an angry look, but she just laughs. “I’m getting antsy, it’s time to get out of here.” Jace looks at Simon one more time, but backs up and walks away, the girl trailing behind him.

Alec leans down and picks up the figurine, holding it out to Simon. “Don’t worry about Jace, he’s gives everyone a hard time. I’m sorry about him, Simon.”

Simon grabs the figurine from Alec’s hands with haste. “You aren’t sorry,” Simon mutters. “If this were three months ago, you would be right here with me.” Before Alec can respond, Simon pushes him aside and makes his way toward the doors.

With a sigh, Alec looks around, making sure no one noticed the interaction before beginning to make the trip to his car. He doesn’t get very far, before there’s a hand grabbing his shoulder from behind. He’s about to curse at someone, when the breath gets sucked out of him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Magnus says. He looks similar to the night before, although his makeup is much subtler, and his hair isn’t spiked straight up. His hand lingers on Alec’s shoulder, before slowly dropping down.

“Oh, I, uh,” Alec stutters, trying to find what he wanted to say. “I was just looking for you, actually. Maia told me where you work, and I, uh… I was gonna see if you wanted to listen to this with me.” He holds up the album.

“You’re lucky I caught you, then, because I haven’t worked at that diner in a month, and I was planning on listening to this album tonight anyway,” Magnus says, making Alec laugh. “I would want nothing more, Alexander.”

Alec feels his cheeks become pink, “No one’s called me Alexander since I was little,” he mutters.

“Well, then I hope you don’t mind,” Magnus says, and the two blend into the crowd together.

 

“Why don’t you ever hang out at home anymore?” Izzy hears her little brother ask when she walks in the front door. “It’s always just be and Mom… and I hate going to book club with her.”

Izzy laughs, sitting down on the couch next to him. She watches as he struggles to play whatever video game is on the TV, one of Alec’s consoles. “You’ll understand once you get into high school. Besides, you’re the baby. It’s your job to hang out with Mom.”

Max groans, pausing his game. He leans back on the couch, and Izzy wraps an arm around his shoulders. “You know my friend Robert? The one whose dad owns that fishing store?”

“Sure,” Izzy responds, and she runs a finger through her brother’s hair. Sometimes, she wished she could go back to being his age, uncaring about the pressure of appearances and boys. Back to simpler times, when she would sneak downstairs to get a snack and catch Alec in the middle of a late night Star Wars marathon.

“He said he saw Dad at the mall last week, and that he was holding hands with some woman who wasn’t Mom,” Max says, looking at his older sister. “Do you think it’s true?”

Izzy frowns, holding Max’s head to her chest. “Max, you shouldn’t worry about that. Mom and Dad love each other and that’s all that matters.” She feels a deep worry build in her chest, but suppresses it as she comforts her little brother. The next time she saw Alec, they would have a lot to talk about. It seemed every time Izzy thought that everything was fine in her life, something else piled on top, and if she didn’t do anything about it, she would soon be crushed under the weight.

 

Alec watches with a glazed over expression as Magnus sways his body to the sound of the synthesizer radiating from the record player. His room is lit by scented candles that do a poor job of hiding the smell of the weed they just smoked. Normally, Alec would have been nervous, but there was something about Magnus that comforted him.

 _“A man in my shoes run alight,”_ Magnus sings along, jumping and turning to look at Alec. _“and all the papers lied tonight, but falling over you,”_ Alec observes as he turns his body back around and grabs an eyeshadow pallet and a handheld mirror. _“Is the news of the day.”_

Magnus backs up and collapses his body on the bed next to Alec as the song continues. “Richard Butler is a lyrical genius,” He says. Alec nods, watching as Magnus begins applying a soft plum color to his cheek bones. “Not to mention his style… he’s friends with Bowie, you know.”

“My dad hates that guy,” Alec says, taking another hit of the joint in his hand. He wraps his arms around his knees to become smaller in the room.

“How could anyone hate David Bowie?” Magnus asks, his voice passionate. “There isn’t anyone doing the same thing as him. He’s his own entity, he’s different. And I love it.”

“We were at the mall last month, me and my family, to find my grandparents an anniversary present,” Alec starts. Magnus reaches over and takes the joint from his fingers before taking a long hit. “We walked into the antique store, and they were playing Bowie on a cassette. Right there, in the glass animal isle my dad starts going off about how Bowie’s a freak who deserves to go to hell. The cashier had to change the music and everything. It was so embarrassing.”

Magnus puts out the joint in an ashtray by the bed. The record player goes on to the next song, and another synthesizer melody starts playing. The purple on his cheeks shines in the candlelight, reminding Alec of their night at the music venue. “Well, what do you think? Does Bowie deserve to go to Hell?”

Alec looks at Magnus for a moment. “No. I kind of like his style… don’t tell anyone that, though. Especially my dad.” He laughs, nervously, but Magnus just watches him.

“I could totally see you dressed like Bowie,” Magnus says. “Face paint, tight pants, everything.”

“I couldn’t,” Alec says, feeling his face get hot as Magnus inches closer. “Besides, Jace would kill me if he found out I even liked Bowie. He says only the hard stuff is cool, you know, Black Sabbath… Rolling Stones…”

“Fuck what Jace thinks,” Magnus says, pulling away from Alec and getting off the bed. He puts the eyeshadow down back on the dresser. “You can be friends with the guy but you don’t have to worship everything he says.” Taken aback, Alec stares at Magnus. “I know you’re into the underground music scene and all, but… be honest with me. Who’s your favorite band? And don’t say Joy Division or Black Flag. Those are Jace’s favorite bands.” Alec looks at Magnus for a moment, before looking down at the carpet and mumbling his answer. “I couldn’t hear you.”

Sighing, Alec looks back up. “Abba. My favorite band is Abba. Izzy made me listen to them last year, and ever since, I’ve been obsessed.” He’s expecting Magnus to start laughing, like Jace would, but he just smiles.

“I haven’t listened to them much, what’s your favorite song?” Magnus asks, sitting back down on the bed.

Smiling, Alec leans back onto the pillows. “It changes all the time… but right now it’s _SOS._ From the Gold album.”

“I’ll have to listen to it. Do you mind if I borrow it?” Magnus asks, falling back on the bed next to Alec.

Alec feels something in his chest as their elbows brush together, an unfamiliar feeling. It scares him. “We could listen to it together. The next time we hang out… I mean, if we hang out again…”

“I would like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! let me know what you think in the comments!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! also only took a day to get this chapter out iconic. 
> 
> now there's a SPOTIFY playlist for this au!

Alec had come to find that the best way to study was sitting in Magnus’s room, a record playing with the volume low. Magnus would usually smoke a bowl, but never bothered to offer it to Alec until he was finished with his schoolwork. When it was close to dinner time, Alec would get ready to leave, but not until Magnus sprayed him down with fabric freshener and made him take eye drops.

He didn’t want to admit it, but being high made Alec’s family more bearable. He would be quiet at the dinner table, and only answer when being addressed. He kept his answers short, and as long as his grades stayed up, his parents didn’t suspect anything different.

The only person who had seemed to notice anything different was Izzy. Occasionally she would stop and ask him what was wrong, but he would ultimately brush her off and lock himself in his room. It worked every time, except this time Izzy was waiting for Alec in his room before he got there for the night.

“Halloween is on Friday,” Izzy says. She’s sitting on his bed, her arms crossed, hiding the faded print of Madonna on her t-shirt. “I know you have plans. And whatever they are, I’m coming.”

Alec closes the door behind him, and walks over to his desk chair. He collapses onto it, his body feeling heavy after dinner. It takes him a few seconds to process what she said, before he shakes his head. “I don’t have any plans, Izzy. I’m probably just gonna end up watching crappy movies with Simon in his basement again, like I do every year.”

“No you aren’t. Alec, in case you forgot, Simon is Clary’s friend. And I know for a fact that you two haven’t hung out in months. And he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.” Izzy stands up, her arms still crossed. “So, what are you really doing?”

With a sigh, Alec answers. “Fine. A bunch of us are going to some party that Maia’s cousin invited us to. It’s at some warehouse in Queens. Do you think you’re up for it?”

Izzy’s mouth drops in surprise, and she narrows her eyebrows. “Am I up for it? What, you spend time with some burnouts, and suddenly you’re this super cool guy who thinks I can’t handle a party?” Before Alec can defend himself, Izzy opens the door. “You’ve changed, Alec. You aren’t my brother anymore.” She leaves the room, slamming the door behind her.

The door opens again immediately after, and Izzy pops her head back in. “But I will be coming. With Clary. And who’s ‘us?’”

 

“Oh, my God, Izzy, you are the best friend in the world,” Clary says, hugging her friend in the hallway. “A party, with Jace Herondale. This is a dream come true.” She leans against her locker, clutching the books in her hands.

“I only did it to follow your advice, and hang out with Alec to make sure he’s okay. A warehouse party doesn’t seem like such a good idea, especially on Halloween night. I’m just going to make sure Alec doesn’t end up in a dumpster somewhere.” Izzy grabs a book out of her locker before closing it to reveal Clary’s smile.

“So, who else is gonna be there?” Clary asks, and the two take off down the hallway together.

“Besides us, Alec, and Jace? He said Dorothea, you know, that quiet girl from Physics class?” Izzy starts, earning a confused gaze from Clary. “The one that sits at the table by the teacher’s desk.”

“Really? She didn’t strike me as someone who… parties.”

“Well, I guess you can never really know someone. Who thought we would run into my brother falling drunk out of a building three weeks ago.”

“I guess that’s true. Who else? Not that girl Jace is always with, right? I hope she isn’t his girlfriend…” Clary trails off.

“I don’t know if they’re dating, but yes, she’ll be there,” Izzy waits for Clary to stop groaning before she continues. “Someone named Caterina, who graduated a few years ago. And Magnus. You know, that theatre kid?”

Clary nods, and they arrive to their class. “Sounds like Alec sure has a weird group of friends. Are you sure you want to go to this? It might be better if you didn’t witness… whatever they’re gonna do. I mean, Alec could be absolutely crazy, and you wouldn’t have to know.”

“This is Alec we’re talking about, the worst he’ll do is stand by the wall with a watered down beer.”

 

“I can’t believe you told her yes,” Maia complains. She takes a bite of her burger, the contents spilling out onto the table below her. “We don’t need some dumb cheerleader killing the vibe at this party.”

“Izzy isn’t dumb,” Alec argues. “And she didn’t really give me a choice. She invited herself. And Clary.”

“That redhead? This might not be such a bad idea after all,” Jace chimes in, fries still in his mouth. “Or do you think three’s a crowd?” He elbows Maia.

She pushes his shoulder and a huff. “You’re disgusting, Herondale. Besides, I told you, Jordan might be there. And we started talking again, so I’m officially off limits.”

Jace laughs, then swallows the chunks of food in his mouth. “Yeah, sure, until you see him grinding on some other broad. Then it’s gonna be, ‘Jace, let’s get out of here. This party stinks anyway-‘”

“You’re a pig,” Maia interrupts. She turns her back to him, so that she’s just facing Alec. “I changed my mind. I think it’s a good thing your sister’s coming.”

“You do?” Alec asks.

“Yeah. I mean, it’ll be kind of lame, but if you play it cool she’ll stop being suspicious of us and everything. Maybe then, she’ll finally leave you alone and then we can go on in peace. Just don’t go in the pit.”

“That won’t be a problem,” Magnus cuts in. He and Dorothea sit on the end of the table, sharing a pink milkshake. “Catarina went to this same party last year and she told me there’s some secret lounge on the second floor. We’ll escape there when Izzy isn’t looking and ditch her the rest of the night.”

“Sounds good to me,” Jace says. He brings his feet up to rest his boots on the table in front of Alec. “I don’t care, as long as by the end of the night I’m in someone else’s bed.”

 

“What do you mean you don’t have a costume?” Magnus asks, looking at Alec in shock. It was the day of the party, after school, and Jace would be picking them up in two hours. “Catarina and I have been planning our costumes for months,” He turns back around to his mirror, and continues styling his hair, teasing it with a comb.

“Are you sure it isn’t too soon to be Sid and Nancy?” Alec asks. He sits on Magnus’s bed, a book for his English class in his lap.

“Six years is more than enough time,” Magnus responds. “And don’t try to change the subject. You’re wearing a costume.” He gets up from his desk chair and makes his way over to the closet. “I have to have something in here you can wear.” Alec watches as he digs through his clothes, garments flying out on the floor behind him. After a minute, Magnus turns around and holds up a pair of red, high-waisted track pants. “They might be a little snug, but that shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

 

Izzy and Clary sneak out of the house as soon as they see Raphael’s headlights pull up on the driveway. Max and Izzy’s parents were getting ready to hand out candy, and Izzy knew that if her father saw what she was wearing he would have locked her in her room all weekend.

“Thank you again for taking us,” Izzy says to Raphael as they turn out of the neighborhood. I know you aren’t that into Halloween or anything.”

Raphael smiles and rests his hand on Izzy’s knee. “Don’t worry about it. I would suffer through any holiday if I got to spend it with you. Even if it meant I had to dress up.”

Clary leans forward from the back, “You’re in costume? But I’ve seen you in a suit before.” Raphael picks up a pair of plastic vampire teeth from the cup holder and holds it up.

Izzy laughs, grabbing Raphael’s arm. “I wish I had known; we could have matched.”

“I promise you, I’m not going to complain about a sexy devil costume,” Raphael responds. Izzy blushes, curling into herself.

“These aren’t _supposed_ to be sexy,” Clary says, gesturing to her angel attire.

“Tell the priest all about it in confession on Sunday,” Raphael says, and he slams on the gas, the car speeding down the street.

 

“I don’t see them anywhere,” Izzy complains, looking around at the line of people crowded in front of the warehouse. Through the windows, she can see dim, colored lights. Raphael leans into her, his sleeve rubbing against her bare arm.

“Isn’t that Jace right there? In the face paint?” Clary asks, pointing to a tall figure in the crowd with black and white clown makeup adorning his face. “It totally is, that’s his leather jacket!” She squeals and starts running over, Izzy and Raphael dragging behind her.

As they near the group, Izzy recognizes some faces, namely Jace, Dorothea, and Magnus. “But I don’t see…” a figure turns around, hiding behind Jace. “Alec?”

Izzy stares at her brother, eyes wide. His hair is styled differently than she’s ever seen it, straightened to show the layers she didn’t realize he had. He’s wearing bright red pants that are the tightest she’s ever seen, and a black, fitted suit jacket over his bare upper body. “Izzy, I-“

“He’s matching with us,” Magnus cuts in, stepping out in front of Izzy. “Catarina and I are Sid and Nancy, and Alec is Mick Jagger. You know, British music legends.” Izzy stares Magnus up and down, taking in the black leather and chains. “So, Isabelle, it’s been a long time since we spoke. How are you?”

Hesitantly, Izzy joins the group and falls into conversation with Magnus. Occasionally, Catarina and Dorothea chime in, but Alec stays quiet. Clary somehow gets caught in a conversation with Jace and Raphael, and before they know it, they’re in the building.

Music that Izzy has never heard plays from the speakers, and the dancefloor is crowded with people throwing each other around. It’s so loud that everyone has to yell to hear each other. Raphael runs to get her a drink, while some of the others disappear in the crowd.

Alec grabs Izzy’s arm, leaning into her ear. “You didn’t have to come,” he yells.

She crosses her arms. “You can’t hide anything from me,” she shouts back, in his ear. “Whether you like it or not, I’m your sister and I get to know what you’re doing.”

Alec says some things that Izzy can’t hear, before leaning back in toward her face. “…and you might not like it, Izzy. But I’m different now. I’m not a geek anymore, this is who I am.”

“Mick Jagger?” Izzy asks, and she can faintly hear Clary laugh next to her.

Annoyed, Alec gestures to the crowd around them. “This. No one here cares about anything but the music. There’s no school, or mom and dad, or you to judge me.” Before Izzy can respond, Alec runs off into the crowd, disappearing in the sea of punching fists and elbows.

“It could be worse,” Clary yells. “At least he isn’t like Johnathon.” Izzy’s heart drops at the mention of Clary’s brother. He had gotten arrested the year before for public indecency. Their parents weren’t going to do anything more than ground him, but it was Izzy’s dad who convinced them to send him to military school. They hadn’t seen him since.

Raphael returns with their drinks, and stands next to Izzy. She tries to find Alec in the crowd, but has no luck. “It’s going to be a long night,” she says, although no one can hear her.

 

Alec swears he can hear his heart beating louder than the music as someone grabs his hand and pulls him into a separate, darker room. The music is still loud, but he can’t make out the words anymore. People stand and sit in groups, costumes ranging from full body and store bought to basically underwear.

“So, how’s it going out there?” Alec hears Catarina ask, and realizes she was the one who pulled him out of the pit. “You know, with your little sister and all.” She leads him to a booth, where he recognizes Dorothea and Magnus, among some unfamiliar faces.

Finally starting to calm down, Alec takes a deep breath. He thinks back to what he said to her, and starts to feel guilty. “She’ll probably leave soon anyway. I can’t picture her enjoying herself at a place like this.”

“I’m sure she’ll tell everyone just how disgusted she was on Monday,” Dorothea chimes in, and a few others laugh. “All she ever talks about is boys and cheerleading, I can’t understand how she’s even related to you, Alec.” More laughs.

Before Alec can defend his sister, someone he doesn’t know makes a joke, and Catarina pulls his arm. He sits down next to her, across from Magnus. A waitress dressed in nearly nothing comes by with a tray of at least ten shots, filled with something Alec doesn’t recognize. Everyone grabs one, and he follows suit, only after receiving a pointed look from Dorothea. “Cheers to the holiday,” Catarina says, and everyone clinks their glasses.

“And to doing whatever we want after graduation,” Dorothea yells. Everyone cheers, and Alec watches as Magnus downs his shot in one gulp. He follows suit, and pretends like his throat doesn’t feel on fire afterward.

For a while, he focuses in and out of the conversation, never bothering to say anything. Eventually, some people get up to go back to dancing, leaving just him, Catarina, and Magnus. “Sid killed Nancy, you know,” Magnus says.

Catarina laughs, and takes a sip of the drink she somehow acquired in the conversation. “Allegedly. I told you we should’ve gone as someone else. We should’ve been Danny and Sandy.” Alec starts to feel something in his chest ache, a familiar feeling he gets whenever he’s with Magnus. He can feel Magnus’s gaze fall to him, and suddenly he wants to be very far away. Someone yells Catarina’s name from the bar, and she’s out of sight without even a wave.

Alec grabs another drink from the table, he’s pretty sure it was Dorothea’s, and chugs it. Part of it drips onto his bare chest, a feeling he’s unfamiliar with. He shivers at the feeling, and curls into himself in an attempt to hide in the crowded room. Magnus leans forward, his elbows on the table, and looks up at Alec with a soft gaze. “Are you okay?” Alec nods, avoiding eye contact with the man across from him. Magnus slides across the cushion, ending up next to Alec. “Something’s wrong.”

Later he would blame it on the alcohol, but before he even realizes he’s saying anything Alec’s stuttering out, “Are you and Catarina dating?”

Magnus laughs next to him, barely audible over the music. He leans in to Alec’s ear, his breath hot, the smell of vodka overwhelming. “We’ve never been anything but good friends,” he says. Alec feels a sense of relief wash over him. “I haven’t dated anyone since freshman year and Dot and I thought it would be a good idea to make out in the prop closet.”

Alec tries to stifle his laughter, but can’t help but let out a chuckle. He hadn’t been out with Magnus since the night they met, and that seemed like forever ago. Magnus says something, but Alec can’t hear any of it. Suddenly Magnus is grabbing his arm and leading him to an entrance at the back of lounge.

They enter a dark hallway, dimly lit by a flickering purple light bulb. It’s mostly empty, aside from a few couples making out against the wall. Alec can see a green exit sign ahead of them. Before he can say anything, a girl emerges from the dark and pushes between them. Alec vaguely recognizes angel wings, and smeared black and white face paint covering her lips.

“Was that Clary?” He asks, trying to get a second look, but she’s gone.

Magnus shrugs, and stops in a secluded corner near the door. “I can finally hear myself think,” he says, and Alec can visibly see his shoulders relax and jaw unclench. They stare at each other for a moment, before Magnus continues. “When’s the last time you dressed up for Halloween?”

Alec feels the sweat on his stomach start to cool down, becoming sticky against the tight waistband of his pants. “In eighth grade, Simon and I went trick or treating as Kirk and Spock.” Magnus laughs, his voice coarse from yelling all night. “On the way back to the house, some jocks drove up next to us. I don’t remember much of it, but by the time I got home all my candy was gone, and one of my pointy ears was missing.”

“Wow, that… is tragic,” Magus responds, and Alec feels himself start to laugh along with his counterpart. “For the record, I don’t think anyone would try to steal your candy now.”

“Really?” Alec asks, a tinge of hope in his voice.

Shaking his head, Magnus adds on, “I would kill to have Farrah Fawcett in my bed just like any other guy in America,” Alec feels him lean in closer, lowering his voice. “But I certainly wouldn’t hesitate if Mick Jagger invited me to his hotel room.”

Before he can even realize what’s happening, Alec tastes the sweat and vodka dripping off of Magnus’s face. His lips are warm against his, but foreign, and Alec can feel the panic start to build up in his chest. He’d never kissed anyone before, and he had never pictured it in a warehouse party somewhere in Queens.

Alec relaxes his shoulders as Magnus’s hand rests on the back of his head, and for a moment, they’re the only two people in the universe.

But then, suddenly the worried feeling in Alec’s chest comes up, and he’s pushing Magnus away from him, into the concrete wall. He spots the exit sign, and it becomes a green blur as he forces himself outside, barely enough before he’s spilling the contents of his body at his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://open.spotify.com/user/quietxpearlll/playlist/5TzMJz5S3idIrYZtK6zgQF
> 
> or "box of rain- a shadowhunters au   
> username quietxpearlll
> 
> there is now a spotify playlist for this fic, where I will be adding songs both mentioned in the story and also associated with certain characters or scenes. 
> 
>  
> 
> thank you so much for reading! leave a comment and tell me what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> official playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/quietxpearlll/playlist/5TzMJz5S3idIrYZtK6zgQF
> 
> some parts of this chapter may be upsetting.

“Dude, did you finish it or what?” Jace asks, waving his hand in front of Alec’s face. “Are you high? I didn’t think you were the type to wake and bake.”

Alec’s vision comes back into focus. His head was still pounding from Friday night. “No, sorry I… I’m fine. I just forgot. I’m sorry,”

Jace groans, and leans back into his car door. “Man, if I don’t pass this class they’re gonna hold me back.” Alec gives him a somber look. “Whatever, I’ll figure something out.” They start walking into the school together. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you just crawled out of someone’s basement.”

It had been a while since Alec hadn’t tried to put some effort into his appearance to fit in with his new friend group. Instead of taking the time to make sure everything fit a certain way, and matched, he had kept on the faded _Star Wars_ t-shirt he slept in the night before. The jeans he had pulled on were looser, and from his hamper. To top it off, he had slipped on his old oversized windbreaker, with holes in the pockets.

“I’m still feeling Friday,” Alec answers, hearing Jace laugh. He zones out again as they enter the building, worried he would run into Magnus. He hadn’t spoken to him since that night, and had no plans to. He was scared, unsure what would happen if they were alone together. Since the kiss, he had spent every second of the day evaluating himself.

At first, he had come to the conclusion that he threw up because it was wrong. It didn’t make sense that two boys could ever be together. But the more he lied in his bed that weekend, the more he started questioning himself. When he was with Magnus, he felt like he could do anything. He felt accepted, relaxed. That night, Magnus had confessed to him that he was attracted to Alec, attracted to men. As much as it frightened him, Alec wondered if that was true about himself.

At some point, Alec makes his way to his first class, algebra, which he shares with Simon. He hasn’t spoken to Simon since their encounter at the mall. They sit next to each other, near the back of the classroom. As he walks up to his desk, he catches Simon do a double take, before he buries his head in his notebook.

The class starts, and the teacher writes a warm-up problem on the board. Alec ignores it, and whispers Simon’s name, trying to get his attention. He knows he’s heard, as Simon hesitates what he’s writing, but doesn’t receive a response.

“Simon, we need to talk,” Alec whispers, still receiving no response. “Please, Simon.”

“Shut up,” Simon finally whispers back, looking at Alec with a piercing glare. “I can’t focus.” Alec’s shoulders drop, and he opens his mouth to say something else, but Simon shushes him before he can. The teacher’s timer goes off, and she starts talking about how to solve the problem.

For the rest of the class, Alec dazes in and out of focus, and doesn’t even realize that the bell has rung until he sees Simon getting up. “Wait, Simon, come on,” Alec pleads, and jogs to catch up to his once best friend.

“What?” Simon snaps, stopping in the hallway to turn and look at him.

Alec, unsure of exactly what he wants to say, just stares at him for a moment. He notices how Simon catches a glimpse of his t-shirt. “Do you still drive to school?”

Simon gives Alec a confused look, before raising his eyebrows. “I’m not driving you to get… drugs.”

“What?” Alec questions, his face scrunching up.

“I know who you hang out with. I know you probably do cannabis, or drink and drive, and steal things from convenience stores. Just because you don’t take your future seriously anymore, doesn’t mean you have to try and drag me down with you,” Simon says, and turns to walk away, but Alec grabs his wrist and pulls him back.

“No, Simon, please, I…” He swallows. “Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.”

 

Clary stares at Jace, who sits on the other side of the cafeteria during their lunch period. Izzy and Meliorn are next to her, holding hands and talking under their breath. She watches as Jace puts his arm around a girl she doesn’t know, Maia nowhere in sight. “He is such a jerk,” she says, pulling Izzy’s attention away from Meliorn.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen,” Izzy responds. “Guys like Jace are just gonna end up working at a gas station the rest of their lives, if they don’t get arrested first. There’s plenty of boys at this school who are dying for you to even look at them, why would you waste your time with him?”

With a sigh, Clary looks over at her friend. “Because guys like Jace are different. I know that if I wanted to, I could get any one of the athletes to take me out. But it’s not because they want to hang out with _me,_ they want to date one of the cheerleaders.” Meliorn and Izzy laugh. “I know it sounds selfish, but this school is run by a popularity hierarchy. This uniform means something, Izzy.”

“I know what you mean,” Izzy says. “But I think you let all those freaks at that party get to your head. This isn’t about Jace being a freak, it’s about him being a player.”

Before Clary can respond, she’s interrupted by someone sitting between her and Izzy. “You,” Dorothea says, pointing to Izzy. “Need to come with me.” The next thing Clary knows, only her and a surprised Meliorn sit alone at the table.

Dorothea leads Izzy through the hallway, to a series of rooms she’s never been to before. They enter a room with a lit up mirror and piles of clothing scattered around. Magnus sits in a chair, staring at himself in the mirror. He isn’t as dressed up as normal, hair flat and un-styled, and it’s the first time Izzy has ever seen him in a plaid shirt and jeans.

He sings along to a cassette player, voice flat and monotone. _“She’s a maniac, manic…”_

“He’s been like this all day,” Dorothea says, crossing her arms. “And I think it has something to do with your brother.”

Magnus ignores them, not even giving them a second glance. “What would Alec have to do with this? They barely know each other.” Izzy watches as Magnus continues singing along to the music.

Dorothea laughs. “Are you kidding? They’ve hung out like every day for a month. You really don’t know Alec, do you?” Izzy rolls her eyes. “Look, Isabelle, could you just talk to your brother for me? We’re getting ready for musical auditions and Magnus wants the lead this year. But we can’t really rehearse if all he can do is sit there and stare at himself in the mirror.”

Izzy sighs. “Fine. But no promises. Alec hasn’t exactly been willing to talk to me these past few weeks.” Dorothea looks at her with relief. “But I want something in return.”

Dorothea’s smile fades. “What?”

“My parents are going on a business trip next weekend,” Izzy says. “I want to throw this school years’ biggest party. If you get all the theater kids- the cool ones, not the weird ones- to come, we have a deal.”

“Fine. But you’re in over your head.”

 

“I can’t believe you haven’t heard Van Halen,” Alec says, turning up the radio in Simon’s room.  He turns around and watches as Simon paces the room, moving back and forth between his ant colony and the _Three’s Company_ poster.

“I’m supposed to be in Biology right now,” Simon stutters out. “And instead I’m here with some burnout. I’ve never ditched a class.”

Alec frowns. “I’m your friend, Simon. I’m not just some person.”

Simon looks at Alec with narrowed eyebrows, his expression pointed. “You _were_ my friend, Alec. Up until a few months ago, remember? When you ditched me to hang out with those assholes.”

“I’m sorry, Simon, it’s just…” Alec trails off, trying to be careful of what he says. “Our whole lives, people have picked on us for being geeky, and I was tired of it. Jace and his friends didn’t care that I stayed up all night watching Star Trek reruns, or had never been invited to a party before. They give me a hard time for it sometimes, but they just… let me start hanging out with them. No questions asked. They might come off intimidating, but they’re good friends. They care about me.”

“Did you make me skip class just so I could hear how great your new life is?” Simon asks. He sits on his desk chair, flustered. “Do you enjoy making me feel bad? Was I not enough?”

Alec looks at his old friend, surprised. “Is that what you think happened? Simon, I always saw us as friends, even when we stopped talking to each other. I didn’t realize you felt that way.”

“Well, yeah. Alec, you were my only _real_ friend. Sure, I still play Dungeons and Dragons on Friday nights with the guys, but… they don’t really care about me. And Clary only still talks to me because she has to, since our parents are friends. Without you, I’m alone.” Simon looks down at the ground, and they sit together in silence for a minute.

“I’m sorry, Simon, I… I didn’t know.” Alec says, walking over to the window. He pries it open, and sits on the windowsill. Simon watches as he pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. Alec slips one out, and lights it, careful with the flame. He takes a long drag, before blowing it out the window.

“I hope my neighbors don’t see you. My mom can’t find out that I was home during the school day,” Simon says.

“I’ll keep watch,” Alec says. The smell of smoke reminds him of his time in Magnus’s room, and he sighs. “I wanted to talk to you for a reason, Simon.”

“What?” Simon moves closer, sitting on his bed.

“I… I’ve been thinking about something recently, and… And you’re the only person I can trust to talk to right now. I don’t know how the guys would take it and… Izzy isn’t an option anymore.”

“Alec, we’ve been friends practically our whole lives, there’s little I don’t already know about you,” Simon says. He watches as Alec blow smoke out of his mouth.

“Do you remember when we were younger, and you got in trouble because your mom found your slave Leia poster from under your bed?” Alec asks, and Simon blushes, but nods. “Well, what if… What if I had the same thing, but… But what if it was Han Solo?”

Simon narrows his eyebrows, confused. “Like, a Han Solo poster?”

“Yes, but… for the same reason you had yours,” Alec says. Simon shrugs, not getting it. “Simon, I… I think I’m attracted to Han Solo. Like…. I’m…”

Simon’s mouth drops open, and he looks at Alec with wide eyes. “Are you telling me you’re a…” Simon trails off. “Homosexual?”

Alec flinches at the word, and sinks into himself. He ashes out the window, the cigarette nearly gone. “It’s wrong, I know, but something happened to me, and ever since I can’t stop thinking about it. But it makes sense right? I’ve never had a crush on anyone until… Remember when we played seven minutes in heaven at the mathletes after party last year? When Lydia and I were in that closet, she tried to kiss me, and I pushed her away. I said it was because I liked someone else, but it was a lie, and…” Alec watches Simon for his reaction.

After a minute, Simon relaxes his face. “I don’t think you should beat yourself up, Alec…” He takes in Alec’s pleading eyes. “Nothing’s _wrong_ with you. I mean, my mom works with these two women who are… in a relationship. And they’re good people, so that means you are too, right?”

“But Simon, I can’t… I can’t be _gay._ ” Alec smashes his cigarette butt on his jeans, feeling the heat. It stings, but he ignores it. “My family would kick me out. Plus, what are my other friends gonna think? They’ll just think I’m some… fag-“ Before he can finish, Simon’s arms are around him, pulling him in for a tight hug. He can hear Simon’s breathing, slow, calming.

“It’s a little different, but…” Simon starts, and he feels Alec’s head relax on his chest. “I’m not gonna stop being your friend because of it.” He pulls back, looking at Alec. “A Jew and a Homo, who could’ve guessed?”

Alec laughs. “Just… don’t tell anyone, okay?”

“Who am I gonna tell? You’re my only friend.” Simon smiles, and they laugh together.

“So we’re friends again?” Alec asks.

“Yes,” Simon says. “But only if you go to the mathletes meeting next Thursday.”

“Fine.”

 

As the weekend approached, Izzy got more nervous. Everything had been going according to plan. Her parents would be gone for the weekend, Saturday night Max would be at a sleepover, and Raphael knew where to find a keg. Now, her only issue was Alec.

“If Jace finds out there was a party I didn’t invite him to, he would flip,” Alec says, giving himself a look in Izzy’s mirror.

“I know, but do you really think he’s going to want to hang out with all the jocks?” Izzy asks. She takes a wipe to her face, gently washing off her makeup. “What if he picks a fight with one of them? Then what are we going to do?”

“Relax,” Alec says. “You said you wanted to get to know me and my friends. Inviting them to this party is how you’re gonna do it. Jace isn’t so bad when you get to know him.”

Izzy sighs. “Fine, but if any of them try anything, you’re the one who’s kicking them out. It’s my first party. Everything has to be perfect.” Alec gets up to leave, but Izzy turns and looks at him. “Alec, wait.” Her brother stops and looks at her. This past week, he had been different. He wore his older, plainer clothes, and even did his homework with Max in the kitchen. “I… Are you okay?”

Alec looks at Izzy with a plain face. “Yes… Why?” He raises an eyebrow, and inches closer to the door.

“It’s just that… Dorothea approached me, and wanted to know if you and Magnus Bane got into a fight. He seemed really distraught, and-“

“Magnus? No… Sometimes he hangs out with us, but we don’t really talk.” Alec says. Izzy looks at him with a confused look, but he escapes before she can say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! 
> 
> i know that none of these characters are homophobic, but for the purpose of the time period alec's sexuality will be new to them. don't worry, nothing horrible will happen to him bc of it. 
> 
> comment, let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as their parents’ car turned around the corner, Izzy ran around the house, hiding any baby pictures and family photos. Alec sat on the couch, reading a book for class, not bothering to get up aside from helping Raphael carry in the keg. He was nervous. Most people only knew him as the smart, geeky kid, and ever since he started hanging out with Jace he blended more into the hallways.

As Raphael walked by, helping Izzy, Alec felt on edge that they could tell that something was different about Alec. It felt as though he had a neon sign on his forehead, _gay_ shining bright and blinking. But they didn’t say anything, and just got the house party ready.

Soon enough, the door opened once more, revealing Clary and a small group of cheerleaders and jocks. They pour in, and Izzy rushes to the radio, turning down the music that Alec had picked out. He rolls his eyes, and gets up to go to his room, only to be stopped by a hand on his arm.

“Simon?”

Simon smiles, and let’s go of his friend. They hadn’t spoken since they ditched class earlier in the week. “Clary invited me, so…”

“Oh,” Alec changes directions, and heads into the kitchen, where Izzy laid out food and drinks. “This is your first party, isn’t it?”

“No, I’ve been to-“

“That doesn’t involve Dungeons and Dragons.”

Simon blushes, and half-heartedly takes a handful of chips from a bowl. “Don’t tell anybody,” Alec laughs. “Seriously. I mostly came because…” He looks around, checking for people. “I wanted to see if you were okay. After… you know…”

Alec frowns, suddenly feeling like he didn’t belong in his own kitchen. “I’m fine, Simon. Don’t announce it to anyone, okay?”

“I wouldn’t do that, Alec, you know that I wouldn’t,” Simon whispers. Alec sighs, and leans in closer to his friend. “Did you tell Izzy?”

“No,” Alec mutters. “You’re the only one who knows, and it’s gonna stay that way. If my parents were to find out, my dad would ship me straight into the reserves.” Simon looks at Alec in shock, but before he can respond, Dorothea dances into the kitchen, pulling two people behind her.

“Finally, something to eat, I’m starving!” She exclaims, twirling around the counter, over to the bowl of candy. Alec and Simon watch as she grabs a twizzler and puts one side of it into her mouth. “What? Your sister told me to bring the theatre kids, so here we are,” she mumbles. Alec feels his chest become heavy as Magnus appears next to her, taking the other end of the red candy and biting into it. She her hand on his shoulder, and they laugh.

“Come on, Simon,” Alec says. “It’s time for you to meet my friends.” They walk out of the kitchen, and Alec searches for Jace in the crowd. Just as one of the football players smashes a cup against his forehead, he hears his friend’s laugh, and follows the direction of his voice.

Jace stands in a group with Maia, and some people Alec doesn’t know. “Damn Lightwood, you didn’t tell me all these assholes were coming. A little warning would have been nice,” Jace says, laughing. He chugs the rest of his beer, and crushes the cup in his hand.

Alec sighs, and drags Simon forward, pulling him into the group. “This is Simon. We’re friends.” Jace opens his mouth to say something, but Alec cuts him off. “We’re going to play beer pong. And Simon has never had alcohol before.”

Maia steps forward. “I’m down,” the group makes their way over to the table, aside from Jace and Alec.

“Dude, come on, you know this is only gonna hurt my reputation,” Jace says. “I say we ditch this place and go get actually fucked up.”

“Not everything is about looking cool, Jace,” Alec says. “We’re not gonna be in high school forever.”

Jace sighs, and follows Alec to the others. They watch for a few minutes as Maia teaches Simon how to play beer pong. He blushes, embarrassed to be the only one new to it, but manages to land the ball in a cup on his first try. Cheers ensue, and one of the players takes the drink.

Eventually, Simon and Jace end up facing off, and yet again, Simon lands the ball in the cup. To Alec’s surprise, Jace laughs, and chugs the beer. He can see relief watch over Simon, who seems to be blending in better than he thought he would.

A familiar song comes on the radio, and Alec’s friend group cheers, aside from Simon. He looks at Alec, lost. “You don’t know Led Zeppelin, man?” Jace cuts in, giving Simon a look. “Man, we have a lot to teach you,” he gestures to the radio, and Simon looks at Alec, worried.

“Dude, go, make friends,” Alec says, and he pushes Simon toward Jace.

Before Alec can join them, he’s bumped into by a familiar face. “Your house is huge,” Dorothea says, and she pulls Magnus closer to her.

“Uh… thanks,” Alec responds, watching as the two dance to the guitar riffs playing from the radio. Magnus spins Dorothea, then pulls her into his chest, and they laugh.

“You’ll have to take us on a house tour,” Dorothea says, winking at Alec. She leans down, swinging her hair, and pulls her body back up again in time with the music. “Is there a guest bedroom?” She asks, and laughs again. Alec feels a lump in his throat, as Dorothea grabs the back of Magnus’s head and pulls him in for a kiss. In a fluid motion, they wrap their arms around each other, and as Dorothea hoists her leg up around Magnus’s waist, Alec pushes his way out of the crowd.

He runs up the stairs as fast as he can, holding his breath until he slams his bedroom door behind him. The music and sound of voices becomes more distance, and Alec lets out a deep breath. His heart pounds against his chest, echoing in his head.

Slowly, Alec makes his way to his bedside table, and grabs at the rosary that on his bed post. He thinks back to the day his father gave it to him, after his grandfather had died. He remembers how his father told him about the Lightwood legacy, and how Alec would carry it out some day. Alec curses himself, and throws the beads to the other side of his room.

There’s a soft knock on the door, followed by a whispered voice, “Alec?” He would recognize that voice anywhere. “Is that you?”

“Leave me alone,” Alec yells as he digs through one of his drawers, searching for his lighter and cigarette pack.

“Alec, please, I’m sorry,” Magnus pleads through the door. “I need to talk to you.”

With a sigh, Alec opens the door, laying his eyes on the other boy. He hadn’t noticed it before, but there’s a difference than from the night of the Halloween party. Dark bags sit under Magnus’s usually bright eyes, and his outfit is more simple, stripped of the usual effort. They stare at each other for a minute, before Alec lights his cigarette.

Magnus shuts the door behind him, and watches as Alec walks over to the window. He blows smoke out into the crisp night air. “Why did you come tonight, Magnus?” Alec asks, trying his best to not look over at his friend.

“Dot wanted to go. I wanted to see you,” Magnus says. Alec hears him sit on his bed, the spring creaking. “Do you remember what happened at that warehouse party?” Alec doesn’t answer, but turns his head to look over at Magnus. “I …kissed you, and you were so… disgusted with me that you threw up.”

Alec sighs and looks back out the window. “I was wasted,” He says. “And I wasn’t disgusted with you, Magnus. I was disgusted with myself. I’m disgusting. I don’t even know what to do with myself now, knowing that I’m a… homosexual. I’m not like you, Magnus.”

Magnus stands up and comes to sit in front of Alec on the windowsill. “What do you mean ‘not like me?’ What am I to you?” He takes the cigarette out of between Alec’s fingers and takes a drag.

“You know… you’re so comfortable with yourself. You wear makeup and dress how you want and you don’t care what other people think of you. You can listen to Bowie, and ABBA, out loud and no one would judge you. I can’t even put gel in my hair without my dad telling me that men shouldn’t spend so much time in front of a mirror.”

“Well, for one, I live with Catarina, so there’s no parents to tell me what to do,” Magnus says, receiving an empathetic look from Alec. “And I do care. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me all the time. It took a long time for me to get comfortable enough with myself to not submit to their judgement. People have threatened me on the street before. They call me a faggot. Oriental. But I just cross the street and ignore them, because I don’t have to live in a world where I’m not accepted.”

They sit in silence for a minute, while the cigarette burns out. “How did you know you were gay?” Alec asks. He can feel his pulse racing.

“I’m not gay,” Magnus says, “I find men and women attractive. I first realized when… When I became close with someone, sophomore year. While it didn’t work out, he helped ignite my journey to self-discovery, and he’s very special to me because of that.”

“I want that, Magnus,” Alec says, slowly reaching out and resting his hand on Magnus’ knee. “I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. But I want to learn, with you. All I can say right now, is that no one has ever made me feel this way before. It’s scary, but…”

“It’s worth it,” Magnus says. Before he can say anything else, Alec is surging forward, locking their lips together, the taste of smoke faint on his lips.

 

As the party went on, Izzy found herself having less fun than she thought. She was too busy making sure no one broke anything, that she couldn’t stop to hang out with any of her friends. It wasn’t until Raphael literally pulled her into the hallway that she stopped rushing around.

“I need a moment alone with you,” he says, grabbing her hand. “I’m tired of dancing around each other, Isabelle. We have a connection; you have to see it.”

Isabelle smiles and tries not to think of Meliorn. “Raphael, I-“

“Get out of my house! All of you! Now!” She’s interrupted by the sound of someone screaming, and her heart drops. Izzy peeks her head around the corner to spot her mother smacking a cup of beer from Jace’s hand. “If you aren’t all out of my house in the next thirty seconds, I’m calling the police!”

Simon scrambles to not be seen, and hides behind Maia while she rushes out of the house. The crowd groans as they scatter. “Mom?” Izzy asks, watching as Raphael joins her classmates.

“Isabelle Sophia Lightwood, you will never see the light of day again,” Maryse yells. “The disrespect you have to my trust and my household is astonishing. Where’s your brother?”

Izzy gets chills at the anger in her mother’s voice. “Upstairs… I… Why are you back? You said you were going to be gone all weekend.”

Maryse sighs, crossing her arms. “The trip was cancelled.”

“Then… where’s dad?”

“ _He_ is no longer allowed in this house,” Maryse says, and pushes her way past her daughter. “Alexander?” She disappears up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much 4 reading!!! ilove comments


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, but I had a very hefty school load. 
> 
> I am now on winter break and plan to finish this story and hopefully start a new one!

The day after their mother returned felt like a week to the Lightwood children. She had picked up Max early in the morning, and when they got back to the house, he sat on the couch, and didn’t say a word for two hours. Alec had been lucky, and heard the commotion before Maryse opened his door. Magnus snuck out the window, and miraculously crawled down the lattice that lined the house. It haunted Alec to wonder what would have happened if his mother had caught them.

Izzy and Alec ignored each other as they cleaned the house, scrubbing every surface until there wasn’t a speck of dust. At one point, Izzy bumped into her brother while dusting, but he paid her no mind, and moved to the other side of the room. Periodically, Maryse would emerge from their parents’ bedroom, a box full of their father’s belongings, and put it out with the trash.

Eventually, the garbage truck comes by, and their mother disappears upstairs. The three Lightwood siblings watch as the truck crushes their father’s belongings. “I hate mom,” Max says, his expression blank. He walks back over to the couch and sits down, crossing his arms.

Alec gives Izzy a worried look, and follows his little brother. “Don’t say that,” He says, sitting next to Max. “You shouldn’t say that. Mom loves us.”

“Then why did she kick dad out?” Max says. “Why can’t they just work things out; like everyone else’s parents do.”

“It’s not as easy as that, Max,” Izzy says. She pulls him into her shoulder, so that his head is on her chest. “She’s mad that Dad has been hiding things from her,” she can feel Alec look over. “And now, it’s tearing everything apart.”

Alec stares at his siblings for a moment. “The longer we stay in this house, the more she’s gonna make us clean it,” He stands up. “Come on, I’ll drive us to the arcade.” 

 

Izzy and Alec watch as Max half-hearted plays ski-ball, the ball rolling back down toward him. “So… where did you disappear to last night?” Izzy asks, before taking a sip of her coke. “Did one of your friend’s sneak drugs into the party? Was there a girl? Because I was managing everything alone.”

Alec sighs, resting his chin on his palm. “I didn’t ask for there to be a party,” He responds. “And my friends were behaving. It was the jocks that were making the mess. Maybe your friends aren’t as perfect as you think they are.”

“I don’t think they’re perfect,” Izzy responds, haste in her voice. “I wouldn’t even call them all my friends… if I wasn’t on the cheer squad most of them wouldn’t have even come. It’s not easy being popular, Alec.” She hears her brother scoff.

“Well, it sure beats being the class loser,” Alec says. “I’ll take the pressure of dating the right football player over getting my towel stolen in the locker room after P.E. any day.”

“That happened to you? Alec…”

“Not anymore. Since I don’t go to class,” Alec looks around, making sure no one is looking, before sneaking a flask out of his jacket pocket. He pours the liquid into his soda, and Izzy’s eyes widen at the sight.

“Alec, we’re in public,” She whispers. He shrugs, and takes a long drink from the cup. She shakes her head, but goes back to watching Max. “You know this isn’t going to be easy, right?” She asks.

“Mom and Dad’s marriage was over when they were still together,” Alec says. “I can’t even remember the last time I even saw them stand closer than two feet apart.” He takes another sip of his drink, the alcohol burning the back of his throat.

Izzy sighs and glances over at her older brother. She tries to think about the pin point of where he started acting different, but, regrettably, she had been too invested in herself to see the change immediately. “We’re going to have to be there for Max,” she says. “We can’t let Mom and Dad ruin his innocence. He’s too young to be sad, Alec.” Her brother nods, and finishes the rest of his cup. “But… we can’t be there for him if we aren’t there for each other.” She hears Alec groan. “Alec, come on. You have to be open with me.”

“It’s not that simple, Izzy,” Alec says. He watches as Max walks away from the game, leaving the tickets he won in the slot. “I… I’ve recently come to terms with something about myself, and… I’m just not ready to tell you.”

“Alec, you can trust me with anything,” Izzy responds. She spots Max getting closer in the corner of her eye.

“This is different; you just don’t understand. You wouldn’t.” Before Izzy can respond, Max arrives at the table.

“I’m bored. Can we go home?”

“Of course,” Izzy responds. She stands up and hugs Max. “Did you have fun?”

“No.”

 

Clary knew no one would believe her if they saw the state of her floor. There, amongst her shoes and various pieces of her art supplies, Jace Herondale was passed out. As she gets ready for the day, she thinks back to the night before. As they were leaving the party, she realized that the football player who gave her a ride had left without her. Simon was already being piled into the car with Maia, so she tagged along.

Somehow, the group ended up at a diner, but it starts to get hazy after that. She remembers Maia arguing with someone, a boy she had never seen before. Something was said, and she remembers a broken glass. Yelling.

The group was kicked out of the diner, and Maia drove away before they were all out. Jace and Clary ended up walking to her house. Her mother had been asleep, thankfully, and they escaped into her room. She vaguely remembers his hands in her hair, pushing her onto the bed. His mouth on her neck, trailing down to her collar bone. As Jace groans on the floor, Clary also remembers pushing him off the bed. It was a miracle her mother didn’t wake up to the sound of him hitting the floor.

“Where am I?” Jace groans, rolling over onto his side. He opens his eyes for a moment, but covers his face at the sunlight. “Please don’t tell me that I hooked up with a cheerleader.”

Clary gasps, then throws a pillow at his head. “Excuse me? I could end your reputation with one phone call.” She crosses her arms and paces around the room. “And no, we did not ‘hook up.’”

Jace sighs with relief, and lifts himself up so that he is sitting at her feet. “I don’t give a shit what anyone at school thinks of me. In case you haven’t noticed, that’s kind of my brand.” Clary rolls her eyes, watching as Jace forces himself to stand up. He sways in place for a moment, his head pounding. “Maybe you should start to see it that way.”

“What? I could care less what anyone at school thinks of me,” Clary says. She finds Jace’s jacket from the floor, and hands it to him.

“But you do, Fray.” Jace says. “Every day,you show up to class, your hair done, make up done. Everything you wear caters to whatever trends are out right now. You talk to everyone, like you care. You go to cheer practice so that you can be one of the few students who has some sort of status. You can’t tell me you don’t care what people think of you, if you put in that much effort.”

“I like to look nice when I’m in public, so what?” Clary retaliates. “And for the record, I enjoy cheerleading. The other athletes at the school are my friends. It’s not my fault it means something to the other students.”

Jace scoffs, putting on his jacket. “Whatever. If you really didn’t care about what people thought of you at school, you would let them see all of this shit,” He gestures to her art supplies and canvases of unfinished works. “But all the artists are burnouts, aren’t they? And you wouldn’t want anyone to see you that way.” Clary doesn’t respond. She just watches as Jace grabs a pen off of her desk, and scrawls something onto the bottom of her math homework. He winks at her, before opening the window and climbing out into the front yard. She watches as he makes his way out to the sidewalk, waving at the old couple who live across the street.

 

That night, the Lightwood siblings sat silently at the dinner table, watching as their mother cut her food into evenly sized squares. Their plates remained untouched, despite Maryse’s efforts to get them to eat. Izzy had been counting how many times the minute hand on the clock ticked, and she was already almost to twenty.

“Max, get your elbows off the table right now,” Maryse snaps, interrupting the silence. Her youngest son complies, although his blank facial expression doesn’t change. She makes eye contact with each of her children, lingering the longest on Alec. “Your father won’t be back for a least a few more days. In the meantime, I expect you to keep the house clean and keep up with your schoolwork. Don’t expect to slack off, just because you will be making an adjustment to your lives.”

Izzy groans. “Mother, you can’t just expect everything to be fine when you won’t even tell us anything. Are you and dad getting divorced? Is he going to move out? What if-“

“That’s enough Isabelle,” Maryse snaps. “I… I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen. But your father and I didn’t raise you to be slackers who let your emotions get in the way of what’s important. Tomorrow, you are going to go to school as always. You will not mention that awful party you tried to get away with. If I receive at phone calls from teachers reporting bad behavior or lashing out, you will all be grounded for weeks.”

The rest of their meal is silent, and eventually, Max and Alec go upstairs. Isabelle stays behind to help her mother clear the table and wash the dishes. At first, it’s completely silent, until she drops a pan onto the floor. It lands with a loud crash, startling both the women. Maryse sighs, watching as her daughter picks it up.

Isabelle continues washing it, letting the steaming water make her hands sting. “Last month, Max told me one of his friends saw Dad with another woman,” she says. She can feel Maryse tense. “I reassured him that everything would be okay. Now he’s mad at me, because it’s not, and he’s scared. What am I supposed to tell him, Mom? He’s only twelve. He’s not ready for something like this.”

“I don’t know, Isabelle,” Maryse mutters, her tone aggressive. She throws a fork back into the sink, and it clangs loudly against a glass. Isabelle sees tears begin to gather under her mother’s eyes, watching as she leans against the counter, covering her eyes. “It wasn’t supposed to end up this way.”

“Mom,” Izzy whispers. Until this weekend, she had never seen her mother cry. She had always seen her as stone cold, a woman who never let her vulnerability come to the surface.

Maryse takes a deep breath, before going back to scrubbing the dishes. “Your father and I met in a class in college, sophomore year. I was only nineteen, he was twenty. We hit it off immediately. We both were career driven and came from well off families. We both wanted to become lawyers.”

“I know Mom, I’ve heard this story before,” Isabelle says. She takes a clean pan out of the sink and starts drying it.

“You don’t know the whole story,” Maryse says. “We had been dating for a few months, but things weren’t working out as well as I wanted. Your father saw things his way. I always came second to his career advancements. I was planning to break it off. We were planning on getting dinner that night. But that morning, I woke up and vomited. Nine months later, we were married, and Alec was born.” Izzy listens intently, her mouth dropped open in shock. Her and her siblings had always thought their parents would be together forever. “I wasn’t surprised when I found out he had been cheating. But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel any less betrayed.”

Isabelle finds herself reaching out, wrapping her arms around her mother’s shoulders. She feels her tears wetting her shirt, as her mother sobbed into her chest. The sinking feeling she’s had in her stomach all day finally fades away.

 

Alec feels his heart pound as Magnus takes a long breath, inhaling the smoke from the bong that sat between them. He closes his eyes as he feels the weight on the bed shift. Magnus leans forward, cupping Alec’s cheek with the palm of his hand. Alec shivers as he feels Magnus’s lips against his, the warmth of the smoke between them captivating.

As Magnus pulls away, Alec feels his cheeks grow warm. “So, that’s what’s shotgunning is,” Magnus says, and the two laugh for a moment. Throughout the week, his household had been so high tension he couldn’t bare it anymore. He lied to his mother and told her he was sleeping over at Simon’s so they could marathon Three’s Company. His mother had been so distracted by his father that she didn’t even both to verify with Simon’s parents. Which meant that Magnus, Alec, and Carina were planning to go to the warehouse again.

Magnus walks over to his dresser, picking up one of his eyeshadow pencils. He starts blending it around his eye, careful not to smudge it. It was the first time he and Alec had time to themselves since the party, with no one interfering, and he felt like he was flying. He wasn’t sure what to call it, but he was content with being able to kiss him whenever he wanted, given they were out of sight.

A few minutes go by, the silence drowned out by one of Magnus’s cassettes. As Alec watches Magnus blend his eyeshadow, he speaks up. “Izzy knows something is wrong with me,” He says. Magnus turns around, giving him a puzzled look. “All week she’s been… questioning me. I don’t think she knows about us, but… I… I don’t know how to tell her. I want to, but I can’t. I don’t know what she would do if she found out… I’m scared.”

Before he even realizes it, Magnus is on the bed next to him. He wraps his arm around Alec’s chest, and pulls him down with him on the bed so they’re lying down, facing each other. “You have every right to be scared, Alec,” Magnus says. “People like us should be scared in the world we live in.”

“I know, but… I’ve always told her everything. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to tell her about this.” Alec sighs, and reaches for Magnus’s hand. They stare at each other for a moment. “Why do you live with Caterina?”

Magnus closes his eyes, bringing Alec’s hand up to his chest. He holds it there, and Alec can feel the other boy’s heartrate pick up. “I got emancipated when I was fifteen. I was living with my grandmother, and she got sick. She was my only living relative, and she didn’t want me to be thrown into foster care. After living on my own for a while, I met Caterina, and she was looking for a roommate.”

Alec’s thumb draws little circles against Magnus’s chest. “What about your parents?”

Magnus sighs, opening his eyes. For a moment, he admires the way Alec’s dark hair frames his face, highlighting the sharpness of his cheek bones in the candlelight. “I never knew my father. He was a one night stand my mother had after she moved to Brooklyn. Eventually, she married my step-father. I remember things being good for a few years. I remember my first day of kindergarten. They both dropped me off, hugging me and wishing me good luck. I cried almost the entire day, and it was bad enough that the teacher had to call them to get me early.” Alec giggles at the image.

Magnus smiles, for a moment before it falters. “My mother was sick. She was depressed. I don’t know why, but she didn’t… want to be with me anymore. She killed herself.”

Alec cups Magnus’s hand between his own. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, but the other boy just shakes his head.

 “I don’t know why, but in his grieving, my step-father blamed me. Looking back on it, it was just how he coped, but I didn’t understand that as a child. I remember, one day after school, he began yelling at me, blaming me for the death of my mother. I was crying, I didn’t know what to do. He raised his hand to grab me, and I panicked. I pushed him, my hands barely reaching above his knees. He stepped back to get out of my way, and his foot slipped. I remember watching as he fell down the concrete stairs of the apartment complex. I had killed him,” Magnus hadn’t noticed that he started crying.

Alec wraps the other boy in his arms, feeling how his body pulses with each sob. He kisses the top of his head. “It’s okay,” he reassures him. “You’re going to be okay, Magnus.” And Magnus wouldn’t say it out loud, but he knew that as long as he had Alec, he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! i love it when people comment.


	7. Chapter 7

Magnus counts the stack of twenty dollar bills in his hand. He nods, and feels Jace’s hand on his shoulder. “Sweet man, this weekend is gonna be sweet,” the taller boy says. The rest of the group agree as they all sit together at one of the lunch tables in the cafeteria. Normally, they would have gone off campus to eat, but Maia and Dot were serving lunch detention.

  
Alec sits nervously next to Jace. He had already paid for the tickets, but that was before his household was thrown into chaos. On the other hand, he was willing to do almost anything if it meant he got to see The Who live. He feels Magnus rest a reassuring hand on his knee.

  
“Pleasure doing business with you,” Magnus says. “I hope you’re ready for… an experience.” He smiles at Jace, then looks back over to Alec. He wishes that he could hold his hand amongst their friends. While a few of their classmates had their assumptions about Magnus, as he was known for being in theatre and wasn’t afraid to wear makeup. But no one suspected anything of Alec.

  
“Since Maia’s parents aren’t letting her go,” Jace starts. “I invited Clary.”

  
The rest of the group gasps. “Cheerleader Clary?” One of their friends asks.

  
“Yes, cheerleader Clary,” Jace responds. “And I don’t want to hear anything else about it. No one said anything when Alec’s nerdy friend got invited.” Simon looks up from his book at the end of the table, frowning. Alec smiles at him reassuringly.

  
As the conversation moves on, Alec leans into Magnus’s ear. “My mom is gonna kill me when she notices I’m gone.”

  


After barely speaking to her brother for the two weeks since their dad left, Isabelle finds herself outside Alec’s door. She can hear music being played faintly, but she knocks anyway. He doesn’t answer, so she knocks again. Nothing. Crossing her fingers, Isabelle opens the door anyway, hoping he’s decent.  
Alec nearly falls off his windowsill as he looks at her, surprised. There’s a dimly lit joint between his lips, the smoke rising up and disappearing out the window. He doesn’t say anything, but he puts it out in an ash tray.  
Isabelle sighs, lying down on his bed. “Max hasn’t come out of his room all night,” she says. “He’s done that every night this week. I tried to talk to him, but he won’t say anything to me. He just sits at his desk and stares at the wall. He’s not Max, anymore, Alec.”

  
Alec sighs, and faces her. “I don’t know what to do anymore either, Izzy. I mean… We don’t even know where Dad is. Mom won’t talk about him, all she does is clean the house and stay late at work. I know I’m your older brother, but…” he trails off.

  
“You are just as lost as we are,” Isabelle adds on. Alec nods, although he doesn’t make eye contact with her. “I know we don’t talk anymore, but… we need to be there for each other, Alec. Mom isn’t. Dad isn’t. Clary is the only person who I’ve told at school. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone else.” Alec was grateful that while Izzy didn’t approve of his friend group, he knew most of them had their own family issues at home, so he could confide in them. The stigma of being a perfect cheerleader often prevented his sister from opening herself up to her friends.  
As Alec looked at his sister for the first time in weeks, he feels a heavy weight in his chest. He had been trying to come up with the courage to confess his feelings for Magnus to her, but every time he thought of it, he feared for rejection.

  
He remembers a time when he was younger, getting ready to transition to high school. He and his father roamed around the outlet mall, searching for a suit for his eighth grade graduation. They came across a commotion next to a jewelry kiosk, stopping them in their tracks. In front of them, the clerk and a woman were arguing over the price of a necklace. He remembers noticing how the woman had broader shoulders than what he was used to, and her voice was lower. It took him a minute to realize that it in fact wasn’t a woman, but a man with long hair, adorned with pearls and acrylic nails.

  
Eventually, he and his father made their way around the fight, just as security was showing up. As they walked out to the car, Alec’s father stopped him. It had been almost four years, but Alec remembers his exact words. “Men like that are all going to hell. God created AIDS for a reason.”

  
“Alec?” Isabelle’s voice interrupts the memory, snapping Alec out of his haze. “What’s wrong?”

  
Her brother looks at her, before pulling out his lighter and pack of cigarettes. She watches as he lights one, and puts it up to his mouth. “I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole lately,” he starts. He feels weak, shaky even. “I didn’t mean to push you away, it’s just… I… I’ve been processing things. And having realizations.” Isabelle sits up, listening intently. Alec inhales more smoke. Exhales. “You can’t tell anyone. If Dad finds out…” He trails off, not wanting to think about it. “Izzy… I think I’m gay.”

  
The silence in the room makes Alec feel completely alone. Izzy stares at him, her mouth gaping open. After a moment, she smiles and throws herself off the bed, wrapping her arms around his neck. Alec feels as though a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and he can breathe again. 

“That was it?” Izzy says as she pulls away. “I mean, it’s a lot to process but… all this time, I thought you were addicted to hard drugs, or planning to run away, or something worse. It’s different, but I would rather have you here and okay and gay, than anything worse.” She hugs Alec again, before sitting back on the bed.

  
Relieved, Alec leans back against the window and puts out his cigarette. He listens to the record change from one song to the next. “I’m not ready to go into detail about anything,” He says. “I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you. I was worried you wouldn’t take it well.”

  
“Alec, you’re my brother and I love you. You can trust me,” Izzy says.

  
“Thank you, Izzy,” Alec responds. He curls himself up on the windowsill, pulling his knees to his chest. “I need a favor,” he continues. “I know Mom has been really strict lately, but I’m going out Saturday night. I need you to cover for me.”

  
Izzy sighs. “Fine, but only if you promise to never doubt me again.”

  


Raphael runs his hands down Izzy’s sides under her varsity jacket. She blushes, aware of the other costumers in the store. She grabs another dress off the rack and makes her way to the dressing room, the boy following suit. “Let me come in with you,” Raphael whispers. “No one will notice.”

  
Izzy laughs nervously, shaking her head. “There will be plenty of that later,” she says, before disappearing behind the door. She hears him lean against the door as she begins sliding her shirt off.

  
“I’m sorry for being so forward,” Raphael says from the other side of the door. “You’re just so beautiful, Isabelle.”

  
“You’re too much,” Isabelle responds from behind the door. She pulls a halter top over her head and admires how it looks in the mirror. “You were right, maybe I should wear red more.” She hears Raphael chuckle from the other side of the door. After adjusting the shirt, she opens it to show him.

  
He smiles and watches as she does a spin. “You’re captivating,” he says, catching her eye. She stares at him for a moment, before looking away. He narrows his eyebrows in confusion. “I’m sorry, am I coming on too strong? I know we have been dancing around each other all these months, but I thought this was a date.”

  
“No, I mean, yes this is a date,” Isabelle responds. She leans forward and kisses his cheek. “I want to spend time with you. But I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship.”  
Raphael grabs her hand. “If you don’t want to live with labels, I’m okay with that. All I ask, is that we remain exclusive.”

  
Isabelle smiles, then wraps her arms around his neck. “There isn’t anyone else,” she says, before pulling him into a kiss.

  


The day of the concert, Alec finds himself pacing around his room. That night his mother had gotten home from work late, with pizza. The last time she brought home pizza, she also told them their grandfather died. They ate in silence, waiting for her to announce something, but the meal was silent. Nearly all of their meals had been silent since their father left.

  
Isabelle promised to keep Maryse occupied for the night, so Alec just waited for Jace’s car to pull up. For the third time that night, he checks himself out in the mirror. He had carefully paired his ripped, faded jeans with a plaid flannel and fitted black t-shirt. He wouldn’t admit it, but he wore it with Magnus in mind. As he sees Jace’s car pull up in front of the class, Alec checks his pockets for the tickets, and climbs out the window.

  


The parking lot is crowded when they get there, the smell of beer and pot almost overwhelming. Jace finds a spot in the outskirts, claiming he was worried about his car being too exposed. Before they get out, he turns around to face Magnus. “So…” he starts. Before he can finish, Magnus smirks and holds up a paper bag.

  
“Everyone takes one,” Magnus says. “And make sure you drink enough water afterward.” Everyone in the car agrees, and take one of the small pills from the bag. Just as Alec reaches for one, Magnus pulls it away. He leans in toward him, bringing his voice down to a whisper. “Another time… I want to experience this with the real you.”

  
Clary gives Jace a worried look, but he reassures her it will all be okay. Reluctantly, she swallows the pill. “Don’t worry, Clary,” Jace says. “Everyone’s gonna be tripping balls. Just let loose.” He smirks, and they all get out of the car.

  
The line feels a mile long, but they busy themselves with conversation. It takes over an hour for them to finally get to the ticket booth. Clary looks around, a worried look on her face. “Did you see that, behind that car? I think there’s vampires here.”

  
Jace hides her behind him as the teenager working the booth gives them a skeptical look. He runs their tickets through a machine. Everyone gets through, until Alec hands him two tickets for him and Magnus. The employee looks at them intently, before shaking his head. “These aren’t authentic, man,” he says,

  
“What are you talking about? I’ve had these for weeks,” Alec responds, feeling his cheeks get red from embarrassment.

  
“Well, where did you get them from?” Jace asks him. Clary clings to his arm, looking around frantically.

  
“They were second-hand, but the guy seemed legit,” Alec says.

  
“Look man, if you don’t get a move on I’m gonna have to call security,” the ticket attendant says, a plain look on his face.  
Alec turns to look at Magnus. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know they were fake,” he explains, a pleading look in his eyes.

  
Magnus smiles. “It’s fine, we can wait by the car. We’ll still be able to hear them,” he says. Reluctantly, he and Alec part from the group, earning a sympathetic look from Jace and their friends. By the time they get to the car, the parking lot is nearly empty. They can hear the crowd start screaming as a voice is heard from a microphone.

  
“I can’t believe we’re missing Roger Daltrey,” Alec says. “I’m sorry, Magnus. I’ve never had to buy tickets before, and-“

  
“I already told you, it’s okay,” Magnus interrupts. “I just wanted to spend time with you. The Who will tour again someday.” He grabs Alec’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly. After looking around to check for bystanders, the two get into the backseat.

  
Their conversation begins innocently, then as the time goes by, eventually leads to Alec opening up about his parents. “It’s like… without Dad my mom doesn’t want to talk to us anymore. All I can think about is how their whole relationship was a lie. What if my Dad never comes back?” He looks over at Magnus, who’s leaning back against the door.

  
“I’m sorry,” he responds. “I wish I knew how to help you forget.” They hear the faint sound of the crowd screaming as another song starts. After staring at each other for a moment, Magnus leans in and kisses Alec. He grasps Alec’s shirt, pulling him in closer. Alec leans in, enjoying the warmth of the other boy’s body. Eventually, Magnus shifts, pushing the taller boy back until his back is against the car seat. His lips travel down to Alec’s neck, kissing down toward his collar bone. Alec shivers at the feeling of his tongue against his skin.

  
He feels Magnus’s hand travel further down, until it comes to gently rest on the front of his pants. As he feels Alec’s body become tense, he pulls away. Their breathing is heavy, fogging up the windows. “Sorry, I… Are you okay?” He asks. “Are we moving too fast?”  
Alec thinks back to the words of his father, but tries to bury them in the back of his mind. As much as he wanted to dwell on it, he forces himself to ignore them. After taking a few deep breaths he reaches forward, slowly grabbing the zipper to Magnus’s pants. “Magnus, I…” He feels sweat start to build on his forehead. As he looks up at Magnus, he feels an aching feel in his chest. After a moment, he finishes unzipping his fly. “I need you,” Alec whines.

  
Without another word, Magnus looks down at the other boy for a moment, before leaning back down and capturing his lips in another heated kiss. They navigate each other’s bodies, as Alec wraps his arms around the back of Magnus’s neck. He longs for the feeling of the other boy’s tongue on his skin, pressing his nails into Magnus’s bare back. Eventually, the harsh tone of his father’s words become an afterthought, and Alec feels himself get lost in the feeling of sweaty skin and hands travelling over his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was short but i liked the flow of the chapter. 
> 
> thank you for reading! i love comments!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for 80s era politics and health crisis

As the holidays came and went, Alec began to feel more and more like a stranger in his own home. It had been over a month since any of the Lightwood siblings had seen their father, even for Christmas. There were gifts under the tree signed in his name, but it felt more like their mother trying to do damage control. She had gotten back into her career, and in return her children never saw her.

By the time school started again, it really began to set in for Alec that he would be graduating high school in mere months. This thought was mostly brought by a letter in the mail. He had changed so much over the last few months that he had forgotten about that night he and his father sat down, and he filled out his college application.

He had chosen to not open it, not until after mathletes practice after school the next day. It was something that his friends made fun of him for, but he secretly still enjoyed it. Simon was talking about one of the problems as they headed out to the car, but Alec was hardly listening. As soon as both doors were closed, Alec interrupts him.

“I got a letter from Stanford,” he stammers out.

Simon’s eyes widen, then he smiles. “So? Did you get in?” He asks, tone hopeful.

Alec sighs and leans back in his seat. He pulls the envelope out of his bag. “I haven’t opened it yet.”

“What?” Simon exclaims. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I’m scared.”

“Alec, it’s Stanford. Not the Sith,” Simon says. Alec rolls his eyes. “Okay,” Simon continues. “Maybe going to college across the country sounds scary, but… It would be better than being stuck in Brooklyn with your parents. So, come on, man, open it.” Hesitantly, Alec tears open the envelope, revealing the letter. He gives Simon one last worried look, before opening it. Simon watches as Alec’s face melts, and he buries his head into his palm. “Oh, man, I’m sorry,” he starts, but Alec shakes it off.

“No, I…” Alec looks back up. “I got in.”

 

Clary watches as her classmates walk by, heading to lunch, gathering in groups with their friends. Izzy had invited her to sit with Raphael and his friends, but something about them rubbed Clary the wrong way. After what feels like forever, Jace makes an appearance from behind a corner. He looks different, not adorned in his usual leather jacket and band paraphernalia. Instead, he’s in worn, paint stained jeans, and a sweatshirt. His blonde hair lays limp, strands falling in his face.

He approaches Clary, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She doesn’t hug him back, instead confused because they were not public about their relationship. Feeling him sigh, she slowly pulls away. She brushes his hair from his face and tucks it behind his ear.

Clary gasps when she notices the bruise lining Jace’s cheekbone. “Oh my God, what happened? I thought you weren’t going out over the weekend.” It would not have been the first time Jace turned up with bruises from a concert or party.

“I didn’t,” he responds. He looks away from her, but takes her hand in his. “I got in a fight with my old man,” he says, voice quiet. “He found a six pack under my bed and got mad. I told him I got it from him, and he lost it. If my mom wasn’t there he would have kicked me out.”

“Oh, Jace,” Clary responds, wrapping her arms around him. “Look, we graduate in a few months. Then you can go away to college, and forget about him.”

Jace shrugs and leans against the locker. “I’m not graduating, Clary,” he mutters. “The counselor called me into her office last week. I have to get an A in every class this semester if I want to graduate at all, much less get into college. I’m not gonna make it. There’s no way I can ace any of that shit.”

Clary grabs his hand and holds it between hers. “Maybe not going to parties and concerts all the time… but if you had some help, you could pull it off.”

“I do get help, from Alec,” Jace scoffs. Clary rolls her eyes.

“Making him do your homework for you is not studying,” she responds. “Look, I’m sure if you actually asked, he would help you. Or Simon, even.”

Jace cringes. “Come on, Simon? I like the dude, but that would seriously fuck with my reputation.” With a sigh, Clary pulls Jace from the lockers and starts in the direction of the parking lot.

“You’re hopeless.”

“Okay, fine,” Jace says as they reach his car. “I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll ask Simon to tutor me, if you enter one of your paintings in the art show at the end of the semester.”

“Seriously?”

Jace smiles, ignoring the stinging on his cheekbone. “Yes, seriously.”

Clary glares at him for a moment, before groaning and opening the car door. “Fine. But you better get straight As.”

 

Magnus kisses down Alec’s neck, toward his collar bone. He feels how the other boy relaxes under his touch. Alec’s hands come around to his lower back, rubbing small circles. Neither of them had said it out loud, but since that night in Jace’s car, there was something different between them. It no longer felt like they were tip-toeing around what was allowed. Whatever boundaries they had up, were gone.

Just as Alec feels Magnus start to pull at the bottom of his t-shirt, there’s a knock on the door. They pull apart, hesitantly. After another moment, Catarina opens the door. “Oh, good, you’re decent.” She says. Magnus chuckles, straightening out his jeans. “There’s someone on the phone for you.”

Alec watches as Magnus pushes himself off the bed with makes his way out of the room, around Catarina. After a moment of silence, she walks over and sits on the bed. “So…” she starts, and Alec sits up. “How are things? With you and Magnus, specifically.”

With a shrug, Alec answers, “I don’t know. They’re good,” he blushes.

Catarina laughs. “I need more than that. You can trust me. I’ve known Magnus for a long time. There’s no judgement here.”

“Things are good,” Alec says again. “I don’t really know how to say it, but... I’ve never felt this way about someone before. It’s nice.”

“That’s good to hear,” Catarina responds. “Look, I don’t want to go into too much detail… it’s not my place, really, but… Magnus is more fragile than he lets other people see. You guys are still young, but he’s been with a lot of people already, searching for someone who truly understands him. So if you aren’t in it for everything… then don’t even bother.”

Alec looks over at her, eyebrows narrowed. “Catarina, I… I think I’m-“

“It’s him,” suddenly Magnus’s voice can be heard from the doorway. Alec and Catarina look over to see him leaning against the door frame, eyes wet and face red. “It was him,” his voice cracks.

“I’ll drive,” Catarina says, getting off the bed and rushing past Magnus. Alec gets up just in time to catch Magnus as he throws himself into the other boy’s arms.

“What’s wrong? Who was it?” He asks, feeling as Magnus sobs into his chest.

“Ragnor,” Magus says, his voice muffled in Alec’s shirt. “My ex-boyfriend.”

 

The waiting room of the hospital is cold and silent, the only sound two nurses chatting behind the desk. Catarina paces around behind them while Magnus and Alec sit on one of the couches. They sit apart, aware of the few other people in the room.

“I’m sorry I never told you,” Magnus whispers, leaning in just slightly. He brushes the tip of his pinky against Alec’s. “I have exes, you know that, but… Ragnor Fell is more complicated than that.” Magnus looks around, and sighs. A family sits a few feet away from them. He gets up, slowly, and makes his way toward the hallway.

For a few minutes, he’s alone in the dark, until Alec appears from around the corner. Magnus smiles at him, subtly, but doesn’t receive one in response. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but I never had the courage to,” he starts. “I’ve been dating girls since middle school, but… it wasn’t until I met Ragnor that I realized I was also… attracted to men.”

Alec leans against the wall. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Magnus. It’s not my business.”

“No, it is,” Magnus whispers back. After checking for other people, he grabs Alec’s hand for a moment. “Alexander, I care about you immensely. So it’s time I share this with you.” He lets go of his hand, although reluctantly.

“I doubt you remember him, but sophomore year, one of the English teachers went on maternity leave after winter break. And her replacement… was Mr. Fell.” Magnus sighs. “I don’t remember how it happened exactly, but… somehow, I ended up in his office, alone after school. I was enthralled with him. At first, we were just talking about one of my papers, and the next thing I knew, he was kissing me.” Magnus crosses his arms, sinking into himself. “For months, we snuck around. I would meet him at the corner store near his apartment, and we would spend days there.” Magnus looks at Alec pleadingly.

“I’m not gonna judge you,” Alec says. “I know you’ve dated before. I trust you. It’s just... if this was two years ago, why are you here?”

Magnus sighs. “Let me show you,” he gestures to the elevator. They go up to the third floor, not saying a word as Magnus leads Alec to one of the rooms. Inside, it’s empty aside from a thin, pale man lying on the bed. His cheekbones are sunken in to his face, and his skin is cracking. It smells like vomit.

As they stand in the doorway, the man looks over at them and smiles. “Magnus,” he says, voice quiet. “Close the door behind you.” Magnus does what he’s told, and slowly makes his way around the bed. Ragnor looks at Alec, his gaze making Alec feel chills go down his back.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus says, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry that this happened to you. It’s so unfair. I wish there was something I could do.”

Ragnor shakes his head. “There was nothing that could be done. I brought this on myself.” Magnus takes his hand between his and squeezes. After a moment, Ragnor turns back to look at Alec. “I know you. You were the student who got published in a magazine.” Alec nods. “And now you’re with Magnus?” Alec nods again. He didn’t know what to say. He knew that AIDS was the biggest killer in America, especially for gay men. But it wasn’t something that was talked about in his household. “Be good to him,” Ragnor continues.

“Why did you call me?” Magnus asks, and Alec watches as he squeezes Ragnor’s hand again.

“To be truthful…” Ragnor starts, then coughs. It sounds like his throat is raw. “I’m going to die. I’ve accepted that. My family doesn’t know; I haven’t spoken to them in over a decade. My friends are already dead. But before… before I die, I need to apologize to you.”

“Ragnor, there isn’t anything-“

“No,” Ragnor interrupts Magnus. “You’re still too young to understand, but what we did… What I did to you… it’s something I can never forgive myself for.” He coughs again. “You were young and naïve. You were alone, and damaged. I’m happy that I helped you come to terms with your sexuality, but… I shouldn’t have been the first. You may not have realized it, but I was using you to make myself feel better. It was wrong, and I’m going to burn in hell for it.”

Magnus sighs. “I wish you wouldn’t think that.”

“It’s true.”

They sit in silence for a few more minutes. Magnus listens to Ragnor’s shallow breathing and the slow beeping of the heartrate monitor. It’s not until a nurse peeks in to let them know that visiting hours are ending that any of them move.

“Before you leave,” Ragnor says, his voice hoarse. “I have something for you on the table.” Magnus looks over at Alec, then walks around the bed and finds an envelope. He looks inside and gasps. “It’s everything I have left. It’s not much, but I want you to have it. You deserve it.”

“Ragnor, I can’t take this,” Magnus responds.

“There isn’t anyone else who will,” Ragnor pleads. “It’s my dying wish. I want what’s best for you, Magnus. It’s the least I can do.”

Magnus shakes his head, but puts the envelope in his jacket pocket. He leans down and kisses Ragnor’s forehead. “Thank you.”

 

On the way home, they stop at a 24-hour diner. After they order, Catarina excuses herself to the bathroom. After seeing Ragnor, Alec once again feels like every patron in the room is staring at him. It suddenly felt like his life was getting more real than he wanted. Alec holds Magnus’s hand under the table.

“I’m sorry about Ragnor, Magnus,” he starts. “You don’t have to feel guilty for not telling me about him.” He wouldn’t say it out loud, but he did feel insecure. He was still fathoming even being with another boy, much less a grown man over twenty years older than them.

“Oh, I’ll get through it. I’ve been through worse. I know I’ll be okay.” Magnus responds, feeling Alec’s thumb rub small circles against his palm. “For now, all I want to focus on is the spring play and what I’m going to use all of this money on.”

“You should save it,” Alec says. “Maybe you could invest it. On stocks or something. Make a million dollars and move to Manhattan.”

Magnus laughs, although it sounds strained. “I don’t know, maybe we could go on a trip after graduation. Follow the Rolling Stones on tour. Do psychedelic drugs.” Alec chuckles, shaking his head. “Maybe I could apply to the drama school.”

“Yeah,” Alec says. “You’d be their breakout star. I can see your name in lights already,” Magnus blushes, and leans further into him just slightly. He looks around, checking to see if anyone else in the diner was looking. After making sure the coast was clear, he quickly turns his head and presses a short, yet firm kiss against Alec’s lips.

“I can imagine it now,” Magnus continues. “Us studying together in a studio apartment in Manhattan, me reading plays and you doing… whatever it is you decide to do.”

Alec smiles, his memory drifting back to the Stanford letter sitting on his desk at home.

 

Alec doesn’t get home until after midnight, still feeling buzzed from the bowl he and Magnus smoked in Catarina’s car. Since she picked up more hours at work, his mother hadn’t noticed how late he was getting home. Or she didn’t care enough to say anything.

As he shuts the door behind him, being careful not to be too loud, he almost doesn’t notice the figure sitting on the couch. He sees the figure stand up, and he recognizes the face in the moonlight.

“Dad?”

His father reaches his hand out and turns the light switch on. “Alexander,” his dad responds. Awkwardly, he reaches out his arms and pulls Alec into a short hug. He had never been an overly affectionate man, especially with Alec, but it felt different. Even more forced.

“What are you doing here? Does Mom know you’re here?” Alec asks, following his father into the kitchen.

“No, I just decided to stop by. To see if any of my stuff was left,” his father says, grabbing a glass from the cupboard. He turns the sink on and starts filling it up. “It wasn’t, by the way.”

Alec shrinks into himself, tucking his hands under his armpits. “Well, it’s been months. I don’t know where Mom put it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Alexander,” his father says before taking a sip of his water. “Sit down and talk with me.”

“But, Dad, it’s 12:30 am-“

“Sit.” Swallowing the lump in his throat, Alec sits down across from his father. “So, how are things? How’s school?”

“It’s fine. Mathletes are undefeated so far this year,” Alec says. His father downs the rest of the water.

“That’s good. You’ve always been a good student.” It was weird hearing praise from his father, especially after adjusting to life without him. “I’m doing well too, by the way. In case you were wondering.” Alec nods, feeling uneasy. “I’ve been living with… a woman, in her apartment on 5th. I won’t go into too much detail, but there is this really great diner, right below it. I go there when I’m up later for work and get coffee.” Alec’s hands tense under the table, squeezing his knees. “And I was there tonight, in my usual booth, when I look up and see my son. I decided not to intervene, because you were with two people who I had never seen before. But I kept an eye on you, because I was curious. And the next thing I know, I see you and another boy… kissing.” By the time he’s finished, his voice is raised.

Alec gets up, his mind immediately going back to everything his father had said over the years. Everything he taught him. How wrong it was to be gay. “Dad, I-“

“Alexander, I did not raise you to be as smart as you are, for you to throw it all away.”

“But Dad, I’m not… I…” Alec feels his throat tighten up and his breathing become short.

“You’re not what?” His father is yelling at this point, and Alec backs himself against the wall. He sees a light upstairs turn on, and suddenly his mother appears.

“What the hell is going on down here?” Maryse yells from the top of the stairs. “Robert?”

But her husband doesn’t pay attention to her, instead choosing to continue zeroing in on his son. “Alexander, don’t stand here and try to tell me that you aren’t a faggot.”

“What?” Maryse comes down the stairs. “Robert, what do you think you’re doing? It’s almost 1 in the morning!” She yells.

“Maryse,” her husband turns to her. “Our son is gay.”

Alec turns to look at his mom, his eyes wide. In the corner of his eye he sees Izzy and Max standing at the top of the stairs. She has her hands over his ears.

“Alec, is this true?” Maryse asks. He feels his chest tightening, and tears welling up in his eyes.

After giving both of his parents a worried look, and then his siblings, Alec catches his breath. “Yes.”

Maryse turns away, her face in shock. She doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t look back to her son. “Mom, what’s happening?” Izzy calls from the top of the stairs. “Max is scared. I’m scared.”

“Get out of my house,” Maryse says, her voice quiet. It feels like the calm before the storm.

“Mom, please,” Alec starts.

“Robert,” Maryse says. “Robert, get out of my house. Right now.” He tries to defend himself, but she talks over him. “Get the fuck out of my house or I’m calling the police.” Reluctantly, Robert makes his way out of the door, muttering his goodbyes to Izzy and Max.

Just as Alec feels himself start to calm down, his mother turns to him. There’s tears running down her cheeks. “I’m going back to bed,” she says, almost a whisper. “When I wake up tomorrow morning, I want you gone, too.”

Alec doesn’t say anything, he just nods. Maryse looks at him one more time before making her way back upstairs. Izzy runs down the stairs, wrapping her arms around her brother. “She can’t do that,” Izzy says. “She can’t just kick you out, Alec.” He hears her voice crack from the sobs. Alec hugs his sister back, fighting back his own tears.

“I’ll be okay,” Alec says, thinking back to what Magnus had said earlier in the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! let me know what you think in the comments.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while this story does have serious themes and dark undertones, i still want it to have that 80s, high school theme to it, which is what i tried capturing in this chapter.

Alec stares at the TV, watching as the blonde girl on _Three’s Company_ runs around the room, and the laugh track plays. He feels Maia shift on the bed next to him, putting another piece of popcorn in her mouth. On the other side of the room, Simon and Jace sit over a textbook. Once in a while, he hears Jace raise his voice, but Simon seemed to be keeping calm.

“So, what are you gonna do tomorrow?” Maia asks, looking over at Alec.

He sighs, and leans further into the pillows. “Go to class,” he says.

“I mean, aren’t you gonna tell the counselor or anything? She might be able to help you out.”

 Shaking his head, Alec grabs the bowl of popcorn from her. “It doesn’t matter, I’m 18. My mom can do what she wants.”

“I know, but… it just really sucks,” Maia responds. “So, why did she kick you out anyway? No offense, but your family seems more… square.”

“Yeah, well it’s all kind of fallen apart since my mom found out about my dad’s mistress. Max barely talks to anyone, and Izzy’s busy with Raphael. I can’t remember the last time we ate dinner as a family.” Maia wraps her arm around his shoulders. “But… I don’t know, maybe that’s what I needed.”

“What do you mean?” Maia says.

“I’ve been keeping… a lot of things a secret, for a long time. Now I don’t have to worry about sneaking in to the house, or trying to pretend I don’t smoke in my room every night. The more I think about it, my family didn’t even really know me.”

“I know how that is,” Maia responds. They turn back to the program.

 

Almost as soon as he gets out of Jace’s car, Isabelle runs up and wraps her arms around Alec. “Are you okay? Where did you go?” She asks. “Do you need anything from the house?” She pauses, seeing Alec’s disoriented face. “I miss you.”

Alec hugs her back, and then they start making their way into the school. “I’m crashing at Jace’s for now, but… All I can do now is go job hunting and focus on my grades. If I don’t, I’m afraid they’ll pull me out from being valedictorian.”

“I don’t understand how you’re so calm about this,” Izzy says. “Max is in shambles. Mom won’t talk about it. Dad came by again, and he and Mom officially signed divorce papers. There’s going to be a custody hearing for Max. But Mom is sure that she’ll win.” Alec doesn’t respond, and they arrive at his locker, where Magnus is waiting.

He smiles at them, but Alec can see through it. Izzy kisses her brother’s cheek goodbye, and then goes to meet Raphael. After checking to make sure no one was listening, Alec describes what happened over the weekend.

“What? Why didn’t you come to my place?” Magnus asks. “I could have taken care of you.”

“I know, but… You’ve already been through so much. I didn’t want to add on. You don’t have to worry about it, Jace’s dad won’t be home in weeks.”

“I appreciate you taking my feelings into consideration, but if you need me, I will be there for you, Alexander,” Magnus says. They stare at each other for another moment, and Magnus brings his voice down to a whisper. “I wish I could hold you right now.”

Alec feels heat rush to his cheeks. “Thank you, for the offer, but… I just don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, Magnus. I really care about you, and I don’t want to screw it up. Yet.” Magnus laughs. “But I’ll keep you posted. Just in case.”

“Fine,” Magnus sighs. “I put Ragnor’s money in the bank,” he continues. “It’s enough for me to pay for tuition at the drama school for almost all of it. All I have to do is apply.”

“That’s great,” Alec says. “Are you gonna do it?”

Magnus sighs. “I don’t know. I want to. But it’s scary.” They start walking toward the classrooms. “I’ve been through a lot, and for the first time… my life isn’t looking so bleak.” Alec leans into him, for a moment, as they come to his first class.

 

Later in the day, Simon finds himself waiting for Jace outside of the cafeteria. He had been sitting with his friend group for a while, but he had never hung out with him one on one. Jace walks out, his brow furrowed. He nods at Simon, but doesn’t stop walking. Simon jogs to catch up to him.

“So?” Simon starts. “How was it?” Jace shoves a paper into his chest and keeps walking. Simon unfolds it to reveal a bright red _C+._ “That’s not bad, Jace.”

“I need straight A’s if I want to graduate,” Jace says. “This is bullshit.”

“Well, these problems were done wrong,” Simon says, earning a light punch in the shoulder. “But it’s mostly minor errors. Parts of the problems where you screwed up, not the whole thing. It’s a good start.”

Jace stops, nearly making Simon crash into him. “Maybe I’m just too stupid,” he says. “Sorry for wasting your time.” He tries to walk away, but Simon steps in front of him.

“Come on, Jace. You’re not stupid. It’s just… you aren’t exactly a model student. It takes time to catch up.”

Simon had never seen Jace act so vulnerable. He shuffles his feet and looks around, as if he’s watching to see if anyone was listening. Maybe they had more in common than Simon thought. “I know, but it’s so annoying. I just want to prove to my old man that I’m not just dumb white trash like him.”

They reach the parking lot, where they usually part ways. Before Jace can say anymore, Simon cuts in. “Tomorrow night I was supposed to my D and D with my friends, but they all had to cancel. So… do you maybe want to play? Alec too?”

“What the hell is D and D?” Jace asks, taking a pack of cigarettes out of his backpack.

“Uh… Dungeons and Dragons.” Simon says, earning a blank stare from the other boy. “Never mind, it was stupid to ask.”

“No,” Jace responds, “I’ll be there. I don’t have plans anyway.”

 

Later in the afternoon, Alec finds himself sitting on the floor between Magnus’s legs, his history textbook on the floor in front of him. Magnus runs his fingers through his hair, humming along to the Prince album playing on his record player. Alec knew that eventually they would have to talk about what happened with Ragnor, and then with his mother, but at that moment, everything felt simple.

Eventually, Magnus gets up to start reading one of his books, a collection of monologues the theatre teacher lent him. Alec watches as he paces around the room, flipping through the pages. He grabs a towel off the floor and wraps it around his neck. _“To be, or not to be,”_ he says, doing his best impression of a British accent. Alec laughs, putting his book down. Magnus laughs too, but shakes his head. “That’s too predictable. Everyone auditioning is gonna do that one. What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” Alec says. “You could do anything and they would let you in. You’re amazing.”

Magnus blushes, and walks back to his closet. He pulls out a long black trench coat and straightens it over his shoulders, the sleeves hanging at his sides. _“I know that virtue to be in you,”_ he says, turning around to face Alec. _“Brutus.”_ Alec smiles, watching as the other boy saunters around the bed, his facial expression cold and serious. _“As well as I do know your outward favor.”_ He looks down at Alec, keeping the intense eye contact. _“Well, honor is the subject of my story.”_ They stare at each other for another few seconds, before Magnus laughs and shakes his head again. He slides the jacket off and holds it out to Alec, who takes it and pulls it over his head.

“Why are you laughing? That was really good,” Alec says. “Why’d you stop?”

“It’s too serious,” Magnus responds. “I need something I can relate to. Anyone can perform a monologue. I want my audition to seem special. Like I really… I don’t know, get it, I guess.”

“That’s very specific.”

“Shut up.”

Magnus flips through a few more pages of the book. Suddenly, he leans down and grabs Alec’s notebook, tearing a page from it. “Hey!” Alec protests, but Magnus ignores him.

 _“This babbles shall not henceforth trouble me,”_ he starts. _“Here, is a coil with protestation!”_ He tears the blank paper into a few pieces, letting them fall to the carpet. Alec tries to pick them up, but Magnus let’s out a loud gasp, and collapses to the ground so that they’re eye level. He picks up the papers and tries to piece them back together, to no avail. _“O, hateful hands, to tear such loving words!”_ Alec scoffs as the other boy holds up a blank piece of paper. _“Injurious wasps, o to feed on such sweet honey.”_ He shifts his gaze to Alec for a moment before throwing his arms up and waving them in front of him. He furrows his eyebrows and frowns, dramatically. _“And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!”_ After a short pause, he picks up a piece of paper and holds it up to his mouth. _“I’ll kiss each several paper.”_ He presses the lined paper to his mouth and leans forward, meeting Alec’s lips. The paper feels smooth against their lips, but after a moment, falls between them.

Alec gets lost in the sensation, letting himself be pulled into Magnus’s body heat. The black coat slips from on top of his head and falls behind them. He feels his breathing get heavy, and feels Magnus’s hands squeeze his hip bones. With a groan, he forces himself forward so he’s sitting in the other boy’s lap. Magnus’s hands slide down, and he kisses Alec’s neck. “You know,” Alec whispers against Magnus’s ear. “I’m not sure this is the one.”

Magnus pulls back, so that he can look at Alec. “And why is that?”

“Well, most people don’t make out with their professors.”

“Oh, my God,” Magnus responds. “I hate you.”

“Oh really?”

“Really.”

 They’re interrupted by the doorbell, and Alec pulls himself off of Magnus. “That must be Catarina’s dealer,” Magnus says. “I’ll be right back. I have… business to tend to.”

“Right,” Alec responds, smirking. Magnus winks, and disappears out of the room. After a few minutes of sitting alone, he eventually gets up out of curiosity. He keeps to the walls of the house, but eventually gets close enough that he can hear voices from the living room.

“It’s been a pleasure,” he hears Magnus say.

“Thanks again?” Catarina responds. There’s a moment of silence before she talks again, and Alec leans over so they’re in eye view. He spots Raphael, standing with his hands behind his back. He wonders if Izzy knows he’s here. “You’re the best.”  

Magnus sighs, and turns around, spotting Alec. He smiles and holds up a small paper bag. “Shall we?” He asks, and Alec nods.

“Just give me a second,” Alec responds once Magnus gets closer to him. He nods his head toward Raphael, who still stands talking to Catarina. Magnus agrees and heads back into the room.

Alec slowly steps forward, making his presence known. Raphael smiles at him. “Alexander, how have you been? Izzy told me about what happened. I’m very sorry.”

“I’ll live,” Alec responds, glaring at his sister’s boyfriend. He knows that Raphael was good to her, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about her dating someone who sold drugs. He wasn’t even sure if she knew. They stare at each other for another moment, before Alec follows Magnus back to the bedroom.

Magnus is sitting at his desk, and nearly jumps when Alec walks in. “You scared me,” he says. Alec comes up behind him and watches as he rolls up a dollar bill. “Sorry, I… I indulged. Since now I have… more money.” Alec watches as Magnus leans forward, lining up the end of the bill with a small line of white powder. He inhales sharply, and then takes a deep breath.

After watching Magnus do another line, Alec takes the bill from him. Magnus shakes his head and leans back in the chair, looking up at Alec with wide eyes. Alec feels his shoulders tense, waiting for Alec’s response.

Alec’s brain flashes back to the week prior, the look on his mother’s face. Izzy’s screaming. He thinks back to the hospital, the black marks that dotted Ragnor’s skin. His father’s voice telling him that _AIDS is a sign from God._ So, he leans over, and sniffs as quick as he can. The numbness that follows makes it all worth it.

 

“What do you mean I’m an elf?” Jace asks, holding up his character card.

“That’s the character you got, it’s random,” Simon says. “But you get to name it, and as we play you’ll gain ability.”

Jace gives him a puzzled look, sitting back. “Fine. Robert Plant.” Around the table, his friends stare at him. “What? Because he’s an elf, and nature and shit, and…” Next to him, Maia laughs, which ignites everyone else to laugh too. “Whatever,” Jace snaps. He grabs a joint from Maia’s hand.

“Okay, so now that everyone has their characters sorted out, then we start by rolling the dice and pulling cards,” Simon rolls first, and then draws a card. _“You come across an unmarked box.”_ He shows the card to the others. “So then I open it, and…” He frowns. _“Inside is a collection of poisonous beetles. Lose 5 health points each turn.”_

As the game progresses, Simon finds himself feeling more and more accepted. At first, he was nervous that the others wouldn’t take the game seriously, but they seemed to be into it. It even got to a point, where Alec and Jace started going against each other. Until Alec’s character ended up killing Jace’s.

“What the fuck, man?” Jace yells.

“It’s not my fault,” Alec responds. “I’ve been playing for years. My character is more developed.”

Jace looks at him for a moment, before laughing. “I forgot you were a fucking nerd, dude.”

Alec glares at him, his expression pointed. Then he breaks out laughing. Simon feels at home next to him, remembering when they used to spend hours playing the game. Everyone disperses, some to the collection of snacks, others to the TV, where Simon had set up his old console for Pong.

“So, do you think you’re going to be a starter for the regional?” Simon asks.

Alec sighs. “I don’t know. I hope so, but…” he trails off. “These days, being in mathletes just seems so miniscule. A year ago, it was all I cared about. But now… I have more than just getting a math problem right to worry about.”

“I know, but isn’t it refreshing?” Simon asks. “We’re becoming adults, and our lives are changing. But no matter what, every math problem will have the same answer. Every equation will stay the same. Don’t you like that constant?”

“I guess,” Alec responds. He thinks back to long nights spent watching and rewatching Star Wars and Star Trek, reading comics and doing homework. He misses the simplicity of that life. “You know,” he starts, and takes a breath. “It’s our last year, right? Let’s be starter and second string, and kick ass… doing math.” Simon smiles, and they shake hands.

 

Jace and Clary sit in his car, outside her house. She takes a deep breath, and turns to him. “I want you to come inside,” she says. He laughs. “I’m serious, Jace.”

“Look, Clary, you know I’m not exactly the… meet the parents type,” Jace responds.

“I know, but… I’m tired of hiding our relationship. My parents are important to me, family is important to me,” Clary continues. She grabs Jace’s hand. “I know this is new territory to you, and… if you really care about me, and want this to last, you’ll do it.”

Jace looks at her, contemplating. Eventually, he mutters a curse word under his breath and gets out of the car. They make their way up to the front door. “If they try to hug me, I’m out.”

“Relax,” Clary says while she opens the door. “They aren’t over…” she trails off, stopping in her tracks. Confused, Jace opens the door the rest of the way, seeing a tall, lean man with blonde hair standing in the living room. “Johnathon?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! let me know your ideas or where the story is gonna go in the comments! i like hearing opinions.


	10. Chapter 10

Alec paces the room, trying to ignore the burning sensation in his chest. He had stayed up all night in Jace’s kitchen, running through all of his notes and practice problems. Once 4 a.m. hit, the coffee wasn’t enough, so he resorted to doing a few lines. Now it was 7, and he was still amped up. It was late February now, and he had gotten used to using cocaine to keep himself busy. He hadn’t seen Max or his mother for over a month, but Izzy communicated what was going on.

“Dude, we’re gonna do fine,” Simon says. “The regional was awesome, semi-finals was awesome, we’re killing it,” He hits Alec’s shoulder. “This is what we’ve been waiting for since freshman year.” Alec tries not to think of how nerdy that sounds, but he nods. They hug for a brief moment, before leaving the room to wait for the competition to start.

Once the announcer says the name of their school, Alec and Simon walk out, accompanied by two other students who were there for back-up. “Alexander Lightwood,” the announcer says, and Alec walks out nervously, playing with his tie. He hears a few screams, unusual for a mathletes competition, and spots Jace, Izzy, and Magnus in the crowd. “Simon Lewis.” From the crowd, there are even more screams, and Clary and Maia stand up.

The announcer continues explaining the rules, and Alec finds himself staring down their opponents. It gets to a point to where the other students shift nervously, which Alec has never done before. He smiles to himself, and leans back into his chair. They begin with geometry, not Alec’s strong suit. It comes close, but with Simon by his side, they manage to pull through with the most points for the round. In the last problem, Simon miraculously solves it without needing to write the problem down.

“Hell yeah!” Jace yells from the audience. “Kick their asses Simon!” Several people turn around, giving him a dirty look, but he just smiles.

They start the second round, and Alec feels himself starting to fall. It’s algebra, once of his strong suits, but the longer it goes on the more unfocused he becomes. He knows that he can do the problems in seconds, but suddenly time starts going by too quickly. There’s a pounding in his head, and his whole body starts to ache. One of their classmates manages to solve the last few problems, giving Alec a dirty look.

“We will take a brief intermission before starting our final round, which will be trigonometry,” the announcer says. Alec walks straight to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He stares at himself in the mirror, and turns on the sink. After running some water through his hair, slicking it back and out of his face.

He thinks back to his first mathletes competition, where he had been second string, beating out upper classman for the spot. He remembers how his whole family had shown up, and afterward they went out for pizza. That was when Jace was still pushing him into lockers and stealing his towel during gym class. With a sigh, Alec sets up two lines on the end of the sink and leans down, doing them with ease.

After composing himself, he makes his way back out to the stage. The team is in a huddle, and he joins in, already starting to feel better. “This is it, guys,” Simon whispers. “Let’s kick their asses.”

The competition starts up again, Alec answers the first problem. After hearing his friends cheer his name, he feels himself get more amped up. As the problems go by, Alec answers them with excitement. Months ago, when he first started hanging out with Jace and his friends, he was embarrassed by his passion for school work. Jace had made him do his homework for him. Eventually, the other team starts to give up, barely trying to even start to write the problems. Alec’s teammates even stop writing them down, and their teacher is practically jumps out of her seat as the announcer says the last problem.

Alec answers it within less than 30 seconds, and Simon jumps out of his seat. He pulls Alec into a hug, sparking the audience to cheer as well. The other team even clap for him. “Okay, okay,” the announcer says, trying to calm everyone down. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard a crowd get so excited at one of these things.” He raises an eyebrow, announcing that their school had one, officially. After calming the crowd down again, he continues. “And, for the first time in this district’s history, Alexander Lightwood has set the record for not only shortest time solving all of the problems, but is also the first student to ever exclusively answer all of the questions in one round.” There’s more cheers, and then everyone starts to clear out of the auditorium.

Alec and Simon shake the hands of their competitors, before their teacher comes over with medals. She hugs each of them, and puts the gold medal around their necks. “I’ll miss you two next year,” she says to Simon and Alec. “I expect to hear good things from college.” Alec smiles, but feels guilt start to build up in his chest. He still had yet to tell Magnus about his acceptance letter.

As soon as he’s out of the building, Alec gets ambushed by Magnus wrapping his arms around him. “Wow, I can’t believe I’m dating the mathlete record holder,” he says. Alec blushes, looking around to see if there was anyone left in the parking lot. “It’s kind of hot,” Magnus whispers.

“It is?” Alec asks, thinking he’s serious for a moment. They both laugh.

They start walking toward Jace’s car, where he, Clary, and Simon wait. “We’re meeting Maia and Jordan at that burger joint to celebrate being friends with the biggest nerd in the world,” Jace announces.

“Shut up,” Alec responds. “You’re not a record holder.”

 

When they arrive at the restaurant, they find Maia standing alone. Clary asks her where her boyfriend is, but she just shrugs it off and they find a table. After everyone orders, they dive into their own conversation. Simon finds himself sitting next to her, and notices her looking out the window.

“Are you okay? Did something happen?” He asks, his voice low in volume. It was normal for him to just sit silently among the group anyway. She nods, but doesn’t give an aural response. “Did you guys break up?”

Maia turns her head hastily, glaring at Simon for a moment, before her face falls. “I dumped him,” she says. “He wanted me to move to Europe with him, but I said no. I got into NYU, in their biology program.” Simon’s eyes widen in surprise. “Hey,” Maia continues. “I know I’m friends with all the burnouts, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about my future. I didn’t get any scholarships or anything, but my parents are gonna help.”

“That’s really impressive,” Simon says. “I… I was thinking of applying there too.”

“Really? I thought you would go to like… I don’t know, Harvard or something.”

Simon frowns, leaning in toward her so no one could hear. “Don’t anyone, but… I got rejected from all the schools I applied for. Even MIT didn’t want me.”

“That sucks,” Maia responds, and Simon feels her hand find his under the table. He nearly jumps out of his seat, having not been touched by a girl before. They stare at each other for a moment, before Maia lets go. “You should apply to NYU,” she continues. “Maybe we’ll have some classes together.”

Alec couldn’t help but stare at his sister and her boyfriend, wondering if Izzy knew about Raphael’s side job. He must have been making a lot of money, considering it seemed every other day Izzy had a new necklace, or bracelet. He seizes the moment when Raphael excuses himself to the bathroom, and Alec follows.

Raphael’s standing against the sink when he gets there, his arms crossed. “I knew you would follow me,” he says with a calm demeanor. “You don’t trust me with Isabelle.”

“It’s not that,” Alec responds, coming to stand a few feet away from him.

“If not, then what is it? I know you have a problem with it.”

Alec shifts where he stands for a moment. There was something about the way that Raphael handled himself that made him seem so much bigger than he actually was. “Does she know?” He asks.

Raphael shakes his head. “I like to keep my business and my private life separate. It’s easier that way. And safer.”

“I don’t understand why you even do it,” Alec says.

“For people like you,” Raphael responds. Alec looks away from him, tense. “Relax, I won’t tell your sister. I understand, it’s hard to quit. I care deeply about Isabelle. I would never do anything to hurt her.”

Alec sighs, leaning forward to rest his hands on the sink. He stares at himself for a moment, then looks over to Raphael in the mirror. “If you hurt her, I’ll kill you.” Raphael wraps an arm around Alec’s shoulders, squeezing once before leaving the room. Alec looks down and sees a bag of white powder next to his hand on the sink.

 

That night, Alec lays on Magnus’s bed, watching as the other boy carefully teases his hair with a comb and hairspray. He felt like he could watch Magnus do anything for hours and never get tired of it. It was a Saturday, and that meant they were going out. Normally, they would go to the warehouse venue, or to another concert. But wherever they were going tonight, it was supposed to be a surprise.

“Wear this,” Magnus says, throwing a sleek, dark purple button up onto the bed, followed by a fitted black jacket with fur on the bottom of the sleeves and collar. Alec looks at him, puzzled. “Trust me, where I’m taking you tonight, fashion matters. You can’t wear worn out graphic tees with plaid over shirts forever.”

Alec laughs, then slides his t-shirt off to change. While he’s buttoning up the purple shirt, he can hear Magnus humming a song he recognizes. He slides on the jacket, and walks over to the mirror. Usually, Alec wasn’t one to check out his reflection. As he admires the fit of the clothing, his eyes travel upward, to his face. His hair was the longest it had ever been, shaggy, strands flying everywhere. The color had drained from his face, and his cheeks sunk in more than before.

Catarina peeks her head in. “Are you boys ready yet? I’m dying to dance.” She steps all the way into the room. Alec’s jaw drops when he sees her, clad in a tight dress and fishnets. Magnus whistles, then checks himself in the mirror one last time. “I’ll warm up the car,” Catarina says.

“What do you think?” Magnus asks, getting Alec’s attention. He turns around to see the other boy posing in high waisted, fitted jeans and a tight pattern black and white shirt, accompanied with a long, over-sized blazer.

“I… I can’t wait to take that off of you later,” Alec responds, but immediately regrets it.

Magnus laughs, grabbing Alec’s hand and leading him out the door. “I think that was your first attempt ever at dirty talk.”

“Yeah, it was.”

 

Jace feels like everyone is staring at him as he sits next to Clary on the couch for family game night. Which was ironic, considering her brother had just gotten back from military school. “Oh, I got doubles!” Clary’s mom announces, rolling the dice again on the monopoly board. On the record player, the Bee Gees play in the background.

After her mother’s turn is over, Clary takes the dice. She rolls a three, landing on one of her brother’s properties. “How much is that, like, 100 dollars?” She asks, and Jace feels her tense next to him.

“Sure,” Johnathon responds, and Clary holds out the fake money. He looks at her for a moment before taking it. Jace sighs, and looks at the clock. Of all games, they had to play monopoly? After a few more turns, they decide to take a break, and Jace immediately gets up to hide in the bathroom.

He can hear the faint sound of Clary’s parents arguing from the kitchen, but can’t make out any words. After a few minutes, he splashes water in his face and opens the door. Clary’s dad stands there, his arms crossed.

“Hi, uh, Mr. Fairchild,” Jace says, “Sorry, did you need the bathroom?”

“No, no, I wanted to talk to you. Get to know you, a bit,” Clary’s father says, but there’s something about his tone that irks Jace.

“Oh, uh, sure… sir,” Jace responds. They walk into the kitchen, and Jace leans against the fridge, crossing his arms. He can feel the judgement from the other man, but chooses to ignore it.

“I’m going to be honest, Jace, you aren’t exactly what Clary’s mother and I were expecting when she said she had a boyfriend. You see, normally Clary dates… athletes. In fact, her last boyfriend got a scholarship for track. You don’t happen to play any sports, do you?”

Jace stifles a laugh. “No way… uh, sir.”

“What about life after high school? Any college plans? Military?”

“Uh, I’m not sure yet.”

“Oh, well that’s… unusual. So… anyway, Jocelyn and I were talking, and we wanted to invite your parents over for dinner next weekend.”

Jace stares at him for a second, before shaking his head. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s gonna happen, my parents aren’t really, uh, around much.” Before their conversation can go any further, Clary calls them from the living room. Jace feels the other man’s eyes glaring into his back.

The game progresses, and Jace surprisingly finds himself winning. Over the course of the hour, he starts taking over most of the properties. “Wow, what a businessman,” Clary jokes.

But her father starts getting heated. Every time he owed Jace money, Jace could feel how tense his grip was on the paper. It’s not until Jace lands on the _Jail_ space that Clary’s father finally cracks a smile. “I’m sure that’s not unusual to you, Jace,” the man says.

“Dad,” Clary starts, but Jace doesn’t let her finish.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jace asks, feeling himself start to get heated.

“Oh, come on, don’t lie,” the man continues. “What? It’s a safe assumption that people from your sort of… lifestyle have been to jail.”

“Lifestyle?”

“Well, not to be blunt, but… you know.”

“Dad, please-“

“No, Clary, I get it,” Jace says. He stands up. “He thinks I’m white trash.” Just as Clary tries to speak up again, Jace stands up and pulls his jacket on. Clary’s mother sighs, and starts cleaning up the game. Johnathon disappears down the hallway.

“Jace, come on,” Clary pleads, following him to the front door. She looks back at her dad and shakes her head. “Jace, this is stupid-“

“No, Clary, this,” Jace gestures between them. “Is stupid.”

“What?” Clary asks. She looks back at her dad, and then pushes Jace outside, closing the door behind them. “What are you talking about?”

“Us. Thinking we would work,” Jace says. He feels a lump in his throat starting to build, but fights it. “I mean, I’m not a jock, I’m not going to college, I’m just… Jesus, your dad’s right… I’m white trash.”

“Jace, don’t listen to him,” Clary says. “He’s just being hard on you. He’s hard on all of my boyfriends.”

“But he’s right,” Jace says. He steps backward, toward his car. “I’m probably just gonna end up wasting away somewhere like my dad. You don’t deserve that.” She watches him make his way to his car, tears falling down her cheeks. “And by the way,” he yells. “Disco sucks!”

 

The area around the venue was dark, almost no light except for a convenience store. But once Alec, Catarina, and Magnus were let into the building, it was a completely different story. Light flashed, blinking along with the music, there was an older light up dance floor in the center of the room. On their right, there a bar, every stool taken. As Alec scanned the floor, he noticed that most of the patrons were male, some dancing close enough that their chests were touching.

“Magnus, is this, a…” Alec starts, but trails off as a couple begin making out against the wall next to them.

“Gay bar?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes.”

Before Alec can continue, Catarina grabs both of their hands and pulls them further into the dancefloor. “I love this song!” She announces, and starts dancing once she finds a space. With a smile, she starts swinging her body in motion with the music. _“Baby, baby when I look at you,”_ she sings along. _“I get a warm feeling inside.”_

Alec stands frozen, his body tenses at the feeling of body heat around him, the movement of other men moving their bodies so freely, so close to each other. Catarina puts her hands on his shoulders and shakes. “Come on, Alec,” she yells over the music. “Dip me,” before he can fathom what’s happening, she throws her body down in front of him. He barely catches her, just before she lands on the floor. Once he pulls her up, she laughs. “See? Dancing is fun!”

Magnus hip bumps Alec, smirking at him. Reluctantly, Alec tries to loosen up and move his body to the beat. It takes a few minutes, but by the next song he’s freely swaying with the beat. “I’m gonna get us some shots,” Catarina says, then disappears into the crowd toward the bar.

The man behind him suddenly jumps back, pushing Alec into Magnus. At first he wants to elbow him back, like he would in the pit at a concert, but Magnus grabs his shirt before he can. He pulls him down and kisses him, tasting like sweat and cologne. Alec feels his hand on his lower back, pulling him closer. “Magnus, wait,” he says against his lips.

Magnus pulls back, looking up at him with bright eyes. “What’s wrong?” Alec looks around at the dozens of other people surrounding them, waiting for judgmental stares. “No one here cares, Alec,” Magnus says into his ear. “Everyone here is just like us.” Alec looks at Magnus for a moment, staring into his eyes, then presses another rough kiss to his lips.

“Alright love birds,” Catarina yells, holding out three shots. Alec and Magnus each take one, and the group all clink the glasses together and drink. Alec feels the liquid burning down his throat.

After a few songs, suddenly the lights go out, and everyone around them starts screaming. Alec grabs Magnus’s hand and leans in. “What’s happening?”

“It’s the show,” Magnus says. Alec opens his mouth to elaborate, but then a spotlight shines over to a curtain on the end of the stage. A woman appears from behind it, and a song that Alec recognizes is blasted from the speakers. Donna Summers. The crowd screams again as she pushes forward, dancing to the beat. Once she gets in front of Alec and Magnus, Alec realizes that it’s actually a man in the dress. She continues dancing, lip syncing perfectly to each word. A few more songs go by, and Alec finds himself more willing to dance.

A slower song comes on, and Magnus wraps his arms around Alec’s back. _“You with the sad eyes,”_ Magnus sings along. They sway together, in perfect sync. _“Don’t be discouraged.”_

Alec laughs as Magnus continues singing, resting his head on Magnus’s shoulder. “I wish I could go to prom with you,” Alec whispers.

“Really? You didn’t strike me as a prom type of guy,” Magnus responds.

“I’m not,” Alec says. “I’ve never been to a dance, but… if I did, I’d want to bring you.”

“That’s sweet,” Magnus responds. He kisses Alec’s neck. _“Your true colors, are beautiful.”_

 _“Like a rainbow,”_ Alec chimes in, out of tune.

Magnus laughs. They look at each other for a moment, and the song changes to a more upbeat one, and the crowd gets loud again. As Alec watches Magnus smile and sing along, he thinks back to his acceptance letter. “Magnus, I have to tell you something,” he tries to say, but Magnus can’t hear him. “Magnus?” The other boy shakes his head, and gestures to the bar.

They work through the crowd, but only find one stool. Magnus sits on it, but turns around to face Alec. “So?” He asks, and Alec admires how his sweat makes his skin gleam in the lights.

“Magnus, I…” Alec starts. “I think I’m in love with you.”

For a moment, Magnus’s eyes widen, staring at Alec. Then he smiles, and pulls him into a heated kiss. “I love you too,” he says against his lips. Alec tries to get lost in the other boy, but the guilt in his chest becomes too much.

“I got into Stanford,” Alec blurts out. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I was scared, and… and…”

Magnus wraps his arms around him. “That’s great! I’m so proud of you.” He kisses Alec again, then starts kissing down his neck.

“But,” Alec continues. “I’m not going.”

“What?” Magnus exclaims, pulling away. “What do you mean you’re not going? It’s Stanford!”

“Because... you’re gonna get into that big drama school in Manhattan, and… I don’t want to leave you here,” Alec says.

“Alexander,” Magnus slides his hands down to hold Alec’s. “I’m your first love. You can’t hold yourself back because of me.”

Alec feels his chest start to get tight. “What are you saying?”

Magnus looks at him, tears welling in his eyes. “Alexander… I would never forgive myself if you missed an opportunity because of me. Especially your chance at your future.” He’s full on crying now, his makeup smearing. “I’m sorry, but… Alexander, I’m in love with you. I care about you too much to hold you back. We need to grow as people apart. You should go and be valedictorian and go to Stanford and live the life you were meant to.” He runs off, disappearing into the crowd.

Alec feels his chest become tight, and he looks around, frantically. He runs to the bathroom, feeling the lump in his throat start to come up. When he opens the door, he makes his way to the sink and starts splashing water into his face. When he looks up, he stares at himself in the mirror. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. Outside, he hears the song switch to ABBA, and he thinks back to the first night they sat together in Magnus’s room. He’s not sure how much time passes, but he hears other men filing in and out. The crowd cheers as another song fades into another, and another.

After taking a deep breath, Alec looks next to him and sees someone sitting on the floor, a needle in his hand. His eyes are hazy, but he’s humming to the music. Alec stares at him, his body feeling weak. The other man looks up, and smiles. He holds up the needle, and gestures to Alec.

Alec looks in the mirror once more, and takes a deep breath. Defeated, he saunters over and sits down next to the man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!!! leave a comment i enjoy reading them


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an emotionally jarring chapter, beware

Raphael liked keeping his private life and work life separate. It’s not like he wanted to get into dealing drugs, but he needed the money. With a sick sister, everything was about money. He would do anything to make sure she could continue to afford treatment, even if it meant breaking the law. But it came at a price. Every time he went out with Izzy, he felt guilty for not telling her the truth. The promise ring he bought her was worth 100s of dollars, and she hadn’t questioned where he got the money.

His devotion to doing what he hated in order to keep the people he loved happy was how he ended up at an overcrowded house party, a thirty-minute drive from where he lived. Three weeks ago he had been out, visiting his usual clients, when he caught a glimpse of Alec mingling with a group of people he sold to regularly. He thought it was strange, but didn’t confront him. It didn’t come to mind again until the next day, when Izzy came running to him, crying.

 _“He’s gone, Raphael,”_ she cried. _“No one has seen Alec in days. He just… disappeared.”_

At the time, Raphael didn’t want to admit to her that he might have been partially responsible. He knew that drugs influence one’s judgement. Instead of telling Isabelle the truth, he put his focus into finding Alec.

Raphael blends in with the crowd, maneuvering around the dancers until he had Alec in view. It took a lot of asking around, but there was word he was with a crowd that would be there tonight. Alec turns his head to say something to the person next to him, and the duo start migrating toward the hallway. Raphael follows, trying not to be seen.

They disappear into a bedroom, but don’t close the door behind them. Raphael waits a few minutes before quietly pushing the door open. A girl lays on the bed, her bra exposed, eyes dazed. She sees Raphael, but doesn’t say anything. She just smiles, then rolls over. Raphael sees her tap on Alec’s shoulder.

He’s sitting on the floor, his back against the mattress. Raphael walks forward, coming close enough to see an almost empty bag of white powder lined up on a book cover. Alec turns his head, seeing Raphael, and frowns. “What are you doing here?” He asks.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Raphael responds, watching as Alec leans forward, sniffing loudly. One by one, the lines disappear. “Your friends are worried about you. Isabelle especially. Come on, it’s time to go home.”

Alec gets up, swaying for a moment, then shakes his head. “No way,” he responds. He moves past Raphael, moving over to the dresser, where a jacket sits. After digging through it, he pulls out another bag. Raphael recognizes it, he probably dealt it. As he watches Alec dump some of his it on the top of the dresser, Raphael imagines how that conversation would go. _Sorry, Isabelle, your brother is dead because of drugs I unintentionally dealt him._

“Alec, come on, it’s time to go. Your sister needs you home,” Raphael says, his voice become slightly more strained. Alec shakes his head again, and does another line.

“What home?” Alec responds, looking at Raphael with a smile. It’s transparent, more like mocking. He does the last three lines, and stumbles back, collapsing onto the bed. “Nothing matters anymore,” Alec says, his voice hoarse.

“Damn straight,” the girl on the bed agrees, and they half-heartedly high five. Raphael rolls his eyes, questioning every choice he’d made in the past three weeks.

“I have nowhere to go,” Alec continues. “Jace’s dad is probably back. Magnus doesn’t want anything to do with me. My mom just thinks I’m a fucking faggot.” Raphael can see him visibly shaking, and sweat breaks out on his forehead. “And she’s right. I… I lied to her for months. I was in love with Magnus, and, and I lied to her about it. I lied to everyone about it. Even me,” Alec points at himself with a shaky finger, and Raphael can sense how worked up he’s getting.

Outside, there’s a flash of red and blue sirens. “Fuck,” Raphael mutters to himself. At first he wants to run, save himself, but then he looks at Alec again. Weak and scared, shaking and muttering to himself. “Fuck this,” Raphael groans. “Get up, come on,” He tries to lift Alec off the bed, but he’s taller than him, heavier. “Jesus,” Raphael grunts. “Come on Alec, get up, we’re going to see Isabelle.”

“No, I can’t, I can’t do it, don’t make me do it,” Alec pleads. “I can’t go back there,” he’s crying at this point, and the girl on the bed is passed out.

Raphael hears voices downstairs. He prays as fast as he can, and then grabs Alec arm and pulls him up with all of his strength. “We’re getting the fuck out of here, right now,” he pulls Alec and they stumble out of the room, and run out of the backdoor. People are yelling as police officers start rallying them up. “Fucking, shit,” Raphael mutters again.

They round the corner and Raphael sees people piling into a car. A police officer yells at them, and he picks up the pace. “I mean, technically I lied to my mom for more than a few months. It was years. My whole life! I was gay the whole time, and-“

“Alec, shut the fuck up and get in the car,” Raphael yells, pushing the other boy into the back of the van.

“Hey man, what the hell?” The driver complains.

Raphael takes a pen out of his pocket and grabs Alec’s arm. He hastily scribbles his address on the skin, breaking it in some places. Then he looks at the driver, ignoring the yelling of an officer behind him. “Listen to me,” he yells. “I’m fucking Santiago, alright?” The driver’s eyes widen. “I could get your whole fucking supply shut down in a second. So you’re gonna take this kid to the address on his fucking arm, and if I hear otherwise you’re going to fucking regret it.”

“Fine, man, Jesus,” the driver complains. He puts the car in drive.

“Hey, wait a minute!” The officer yells, coming up behing Raphael and grabbing his arm. “Turn around!”

“Go!” Raphael yells. The officer locks the handcuffs around his wrists as he watches the headlights disappear down the street.

 

Alec opens his eyes, the blurry image of a ceiling fan coming into view. Before anything comes clearly into focus, he forces himself up. Somehow, he makes it into a bathroom, just in time to vomit into the toilet bowl. He feels his whole body heave, more nauseas than he’s ever been before. After what feels like hours, Alec looks around. Everything looks familiar, but he can’t quite put it together. He stumbles out of the bathroom, and a figure comes into view. “Mom?”

Maryse is sitting on the bed, her arms crossed and eyebrows raised. She’s dressed up, her makeup pointed. Her hair is styled, and her clothes coordinate with each other. Alec recognizes it as her Sunday best. “I’m glad to see you awake,” she says, her tone calm.

She holds out two pills and a glass of water. Reluctantly, Alec takes it, and she watches as he drinks all of the water in one attempt. “I know your head must be aching.”

“Everything is aching,” Alec groans, leaning against the wall. He hadn’t been in the house in months, and it felt foreign. He walks over to her dresser, looking at himself in the mirror. His facial hair is rough, a dark shadow shaping around the hollow of his cheeks. His eyes are bloodshot, watery. He can make out the purple of his veins under the skin. “What happened?”

With a sigh, his mother gets up, standing behind him. “I woke up to go to work early in the morning, to find you unconscious on our porch,” she starts. “I tried waking you, but it didn’t work, so I took you into the house. That was four days ago.”

“What?” Alec asks, turning around and looking at her. “I don’t remember that.”

“You’ve mostly been asleep, aside from the vomiting,” Maryse says. “But that’s what withdrawal does to you. Just don’t tell me from what.” Alec looks away, walking back to the bed and sitting down. “I can’t say I blame you,” Maryse continues. “I’m… I’m the one who left you without a home,” her voice cracks.

“Mom, it’s not your fault,” Alec says.

Maryse shakes her head and sighs. “It’s Tuesday,” she says. “I laid clothes out on your bed. Get dressed.”

 

The parking lot is nearly empty when they pull up to the church. Their family was religious, but their parents were so busy with work that they only went to mass for the holidays. “We’re going to confession,” Maryse says. Alec sighs. “I need this,” she says. Alec nods, and they walk into the building.

It’s fairly empty, aside from a few elderly couples. An older woman stares at the Lightwood’s with a judgmental expression. Alec is sure that she knows everything. He looks away, following his mother to the booths. Only one is open, and he watches as she disappears inside. Her voice is muted, but he can hear her say a prayer.

He knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help but listen. Not every word is clear, but it’s enough for him to understand her.

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” Maryse says. “I was raised to only accept one lifestyle. But what kind of mother am I? Putting my own child on the street?” Alec hears her start sobbing, and feels his heart drop. “He could have died, and it would have been my fault.”

It was hard for Alec to remember exactly what happened in the last three weeks. Images flash across his memory, of needles and dancing. Skin gliding across his, men’s voices and hands on his hips. Hands that didn’t belong to Magnus.

Unable to take it anymore, Alec walks toward the front doors, his breathing shallow. He stops to splash holy water on his face, getting a puzzled look from an old man. After a few minutes of waiting outside, his mother comes out, looking panicked. She looks at him with wide eyes, before settling down. “I thought you left,” she says.

Alec shakes his head, feeling himself start to break. He backs up until his back is against the bricks, and slides down. Maryse watches as sobs wrack his body, and he buries his face in his hands. It brings her back to his years in elementary school, when the other kids bullied him. Robert would tell him to be a man, but she heard him cry in his room at night. She never went in, wanting to side with her husband’s parenting.

Maryse sits down next to him and pulls him into her chest, wrapping her arms around his back. He cries into her shirt, staining her cashmere sweater. People come and go, watching them from a distance, but Maryse glares at them. Eventually, Alec catches his breath, and pulls away. He wipes his eyes and looks down at the concrete.

“Mom, I,” he starts. He takes a deep breath. “I need you to take me to a clinic.”

“Alec, honey, you can get better at home,” Maryse says. “I want you home.”

“No, mom,” Alec continues. “I have to get tested.”

 

Most of the other men in the waiting room were alone. Gaunt, some shivering in their seats. Someone was throwing up into a trash can in the corner. It was dim, the only source of light a blinking fluorescent. Maryse and Alec watch as a man comes out of a door in the corner, sobbing. He runs out, alone. Alec thinks of Ragnor in his hospital bed.

“Lightwood,” a nurse announces. Alec takes a deep breath, and stands up.

Maryse stands up, too, but Alec shakes his head. “Mom, I…”

“You’re my son,” Maryse says. “I’m not going to let you face this alone.” She grabs Alec’s hand, and leads him toward the nurse.

As a nurse starts doing bloodwork and taking samples, the doctors starts asking Alec questions. Maryse sits next to him, watching. “Okay, Alexander,” the doctor starts. “Just so you know, everything here is confidential. No one will find out how you answer the following questions.” Alec nods, wincing at the feeling of the nurse using a syringe. It was all too familiar. “So… have you ever had unprotected sex?”

Alec feels Maryse tense next to him, and he tries to pretend she’s not there. “Yes,” he answers.

“How many times in the last six weeks?”

“Uh,” Alec’s thoughts from the last few weeks are hazy, but he does remember the faces of a few unfamiliar men. He still has bruises on his waist in the shape of finger prints. Images of being pushed over a bathroom sink. “I think… four or five times.” Maryse stays still, staring at the floor.

“And were any of these instances with other men?” The doctor asks. “Again, your answer will be kept confidential.”

“All of them,” Alec answers. He wishes he could go back to laying with Magnus in the bedroom, taking turns picking records.

“Okay, I’m going to gather a few of our pamphlets on protection,” the doctor says. “Then we’ll process your results and get back to you. Just sit tight for now.”

Once the doctor and nurse are out of the room, Alec looks to his mother. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t want you to hear that.”

Maryse shakes her head. “Alexander,” she starts. “I… I am still adjusting to accepting that… this is who you are. I have been praying, searching for answers. A sign. I even thought of seeking out conversion therapy.” Alec tenses. “But nothing felt right to me. It’s going to take me a long time to adjust,” she continues. “I couldn’t even imagine you with another man at all, much less… with many men. But if this is who you are, then I’m going to be here to support you. Through all of it. I would rather have you in my home and safe, than out on the streets with strangers. “She holds him until the doctor comes back, with papers in his hand.

“Okay, Alexander,” the doctor says. He flips through the papers. Alec holds his breath. “If I were you, I would go out and buy a lottery ticket.” Alec looks at him, confused. “You tested negative.” Maryse squeezes her son, relief flooding over her. She prays under her breath, thanking whatever force kept her son alive. Alec puts his hand to his mouth, covering his gasp. “You’re lucky,” the doctor continues. “These days, almost every person who walks in here tests positive. You’ve been given a second chance. Make the right choices.”

Maryse holds his hand as she leads Alec out of the office, to the hallway. The elevator opens, revealing a single person. Magnus’s eyes widen as she sees Alec and his mother. They stare at each other for a second, until Maryse pulls Alec into the elevator. Magnus steps out, looking behind him. While Maryse looks away to click the buttons, Alec just shakes his head. Magnus nods, and takes a deep breath. The door closes.

 

Maia watches as Isabelle paces outside of a tall apartment complex. The crowded sidewalk moves around them as rush hour progresses. “Are you sure about this?” Maia asks, crossing her arms. “I mean; from what I’ve heard your dad isn’t the most accepting guy. Are you sure he’s going to go for this?”

Izzy stops her pacing, looking at the other girl. “He has to, right? After everything he put us through.” Maia shrugs, and they walk into the building. Izzy had gotten the address from her mother’s desk. It’s where she was forwarding all of his mail.

They go up the elevator, reaching the right floor. After taking a deep breath, Izzy knocks on the door. She hears voices from inside, and then a woman opens the door. She’s years younger than her father, with silky blonde hair and a full face of makeup. She looks Izzy up and down, settling on her face. “Robert, it’s your daughter,” the woman says.

Izzy raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms. Her father comes to the door and pushes the woman aside. “Isabelle? What are you doing here?” He steps aside to welcome her in, surprised when Maia follows suit.

“I need to talk to you,” Izzy says. Maia falls back, awkwardly making eye contact with the blonde woman. Robert gestures to a chair, but Izzy ignores him. “I have a problem.”

Robert sighs. “Well, what can I do about it?”

Isabelle looks at him, her expression stern. “My boyfriend got arrested,” she says. Robert opens his mouth to protest, but she cuts him off. “You can’t judge me, considering you broke your family and cheated on Mom.” Robert rolls his eyes, but lets her continue. “He can’t make bail. If he doesn’t, then they’re going to send him to jail. His sister’s sick, he can’t. I need you to pay him out.”

Robert deliberates in his head for a moment before responding. “Isabelle, I’m not going to pay for some kid’s bail,” he says. “I can’t believe you would even date a criminal.”

“Dad, are you serious? You can’t criticize who I date, or don’t date when you don’t even live with us anymore. Not when the most I’ve seen of you was when you came into the house and got Alec kicked out. Just admit that we aren’t the family you wanted.”

“Isabelle, it’s not like that-“

“Yes it is, Dad!” Izzy yells. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have cheated! We weren’t enough for you. You wanted Alec to be just like you, and when he wasn’t, you got him kicked out! You want me to be all innocent and compliant, but I’m not. I love Raphael, and I won’t let him get thrown in jail. Do you know what they’re going to do to a Latino kid in prison?”

Robert paces for a moment, muttering to himself. “Isabelle, you will not talk to me that way I’m still your father!” He yells. She stops, looking up at him with wide eyes. Robert sighs, calming himself down. “I’m not going to bail this boy out of prison,” he says, his voice calm. “But… I’ll represent him in court. Pro-bono. I’ll do the best I can to plead with the judge.”

Isabelle stares at him. After a minute she nods. “His court date is Wednesday,” she says. Robert nods, and she stomps out of the apartment. Maia follows her.

In the elevator, the pair stand next to each other. “That was badass,” Maia says, and Izzy laughs.

 

His first day back to school, Alec presents his teachers with a note from his mother, claiming he was out sick for the past few weeks. He collects a mountain of homework, enough to make his backpack significantly heavier. Jace spots him, and they stand together in the hallway.

“Are you okay, man?” Jace asks. Alec just nods, the answer going unspoken. “Some of your stuff is still at my place. I can bring it over this weekend. We could… I don’t know, see a movie, or smoke. I don’t really party anymore these days.” Since breaking up with Clary, he and Simon stopped having study sessions. He was trying his best, but still wasn’t making the mark.

Before Alec can respond, Clary comes out of nowhere, and grabs Jace by the front of his shirt. She drags him toward the front doors of the school. Alec watches as they disappear out of the door, a confused look on his face.

“What the hell, Clary?” Jace protests. Once outside, she lets go and starts pacing around him. They hadn’t spoken in weeks.

She looks at him, her eyes red from crying. “I hate you,” she says. “You are the worst person I’ve ever met.”

Jace rolls his eyes. “You’re really doing this now? I have a math test to study for, you know.” Clary groans, looking away from him. “Fine. Get out everything you want to say. Tell me I’m the worst. Tell me how much you hate me. Every girl I’ve fucking given the time of day says the same thing. I’m not worth it, I’m-“

“Shut up!” Clary yells. She recomposes herself, and crosses her arms. “I loved you,” she says. “I’m sorry my Dad freaked you out. But you can’t break up with me, just because you feel sorry for yourself. I don’t care that you grew up on food stamps. I don’t care that your dad gets drunk all the time. It’s not your fault.” Jace doesn’t say anything, he just watches her. “But you aren’t going to ditch me. You aren’t a deadbeat, like your father.” She backs up, wiping tears from her bloodshot eyes. “I’m pregnant, Jace,” she says. “It’s yours.”

Jace stares at her in shock, as she runs back into the building. “Fuck me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!! let me know what you think! i love discussing stuff from the 80s particularly lol
> 
> i plan on wrapping this piece up within the next week fingers crossed. i will then do time stamps. and then start another fic.


	12. Chapter 12

Alec flips through his math notebook from sophomore year, before settling on some notes. “Okay, here, this should help,” he slides the book across the table to Jace. Jace analyses it, his eyes darting back and forth between his homework. After a moment, he writes something down, then slides his worksheet to Alec, who looks over it. “Yeah, it looks right to me.”

“Really?” Jace asks, and Alec nods. “Hell yeah.” He leans back in his chair and looks around at the books lining the shelves. They were in a confined study space in the library that Jace didn’t even know existed a month ago. Alec had been back to school for a month, and since then, he and Jace hadn’t skipped a single class. Instead, while Alec refocused on his grades, he helped Jace catch up. “You know, math isn’t that bad,” Jace says.

“It used to be my favorite subject,” Alec responds. Movement outside catches his eye, and he looks out the window, spotting Simon and Maia jumping in the parking lot. Simon holds up an envelope, yelling something, and Maia grabs his shirt collar, pulling him into a kiss. Alec smiles to himself, and goes back to his work. He thinks back to months before, when Jace welcomed him into his friend group, under the condition that Alec did his homework for him. Alec remembers how he would even make fun of Simon and his former friends with them, a while secretly keeping up with his school work. They graduated in just two months.

The bell rings, indicating their next class, and Alec and Jace collect their stuff. The librarian smiles at them as they leave, but the two boys just keep walking. In the hallway, they pass Magnus and Dorothea. Alec feels his chest tighten, as he makes eye contact with the other boy, but it only lasts for a second. Jace disappears into his classroom, muttering something about a test. Alec looks back at Magnus, but he was already gone.

 

Isabelle feels like her heart is about to jump out of her chest as she watches Raphael be escorted up to his place in the courtroom. He’s wearing a dark blue jumpsuit, his hands cuffed behind his back. Robert stands in front of the judge, waiting for her to finish reading the case. “Mr. Lightwood, I don’t know what case you’re trying to make, but it seems very clear to me. Raphael Santiago was caught at a party where multiple other people were arrested for illegal drug use. He had drugs with him that he was known to sell. I’m even inclined to try him as an adult, considering he turns eighteen in less than two months.”

Robert nods, but looks back at Isabelle. “Your Honor,” he starts. “I’m not here to convince you that my client is innocent. But I do want you to consider what kind of future he could be stripped of, if you decide to give him the max sentence. Raphael Santiago is only seventeen, yet he has been given the burden of not only caring for his large family, all of who live in the house, but has been the sole financial support for his sister, who has been suffering with illness for the past two years.”

Raphael looks back at Izzy, who smiles at him, reassuringly. “I love you,” she silently mouths, and he gently smiles.

“Your Honor, my client is a straight A student, with two jobs at the mall, who deserves a chance to be a normal teenager for the last two months of his senior year. All I ask is that you consider his future, and his struggle, before you decide his fate.” Isabelle clenches her fists, nervous as the judge stares at her father.

“Mr. Lightwood, I understand Raphael’s situation,” the judge responds. “But how many other young lives has Mr. Santiago affected? How many other young adults are dying, overdosing on drugs, that he provided them?” Raphael sinks into his seat. The judge sighs. “After considering Mr. Santiago’s situation, I have made a decision. He will serve three consecutive years in a federal prison, followed by one year of community service.”

After watching Raphael be taken back into another room, tears in her eyes, Isabelle waits in the hallway for her father. “Isabelle, I’m sorry, I couldn’t-“ He’s interrupted by his daughter wrapping her arms around him. It had been months since any of his children had touched him at all.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she says. She pulls away from him, wiping a tear from her eye. Robert sighs, looking back to the courtroom, then back at his daughter. Isabelle watches, as he makes his way to the room that Raphael disappeared into, and then reappears a few minutes later. He calls her over, and follows him into a hallway. They stop at a small room, where she can see Raphael sitting alone. He’s no longer handcuffed, but is still in the jumpsuit. “Thank you,” Isabelle says to her father.

“You have a few minutes before they take him,” Robert says. “And you will be added to his visitation list.”

Isabelle takes a deep breath, before entering the room. Raphael lights up when he sees her, and pulls her into his arms. She feels him take a deep breath, before pulling away. “I’m sorry,” Isabelle says. “I tried, but-“

“It’s not your fault,” Raphael says. “I knew there wasn’t a way I was getting out of this. If anything, Isabelle, I’m sorry. You didn’t know what you were getting into with me, I was afraid to tell you. But I don’t regret it. It was worth it, if it meant I got to see you happy again.” Before Isabelle can respond, a correctional officer opens the door.

“Time’s up,” he says, gesturing for Izzy to leave.

“But, I’m not done,” She tries to argue, but gets interrupted by the officer grabbing her arm. Robert protests as she’s thrown out of the room. Isabelle readjusts her jacket, processing what Raphael said. She hadn’t put it together before; she was too distracted by how ill Alec had been when he came home. But now that she put two and two together, she wasn’t sure how to handle it.

 

Clary sighs as she watches a groups of students walking home from school through her window. It had been two weeks since she broke the news to her friends that she was “transferring.” What she didn’t tell them, was that it was to home schooling. She hears a knock on the door, and turns around to see her brother standing in the doorway. They had barely talked since he came back from military school.

“Hi,” he says, awkwardly fidgeting with his hands. Clary smiles, although it feels forced. She walks over to her bed and sits down, patting the cover. Johnathon hesitantly sits next to her, their arms touching. “I… I’m sorry, about everything.”

“Sorry about what?” Clary asks, looking at him.

“I know you didn’t think things were supposed to be this way,” He continues. “Nothing was supposed to be this way, Clary. Aren’t you angry?”

“What is there to be angry about?” Clary responds. “I can’t go back and stop Jace and I from getting together.” She pauses, listening to the raised voices of their parents from downstairs. She waits until it quiets down. “It was my fault they sent you to military school,” Clary says.

“What?” Johnathon responds, looking at her, puzzled.

“I was at Isabelle’s after you got caught tagging that car, and I told her about it. Her parents overheard, and talked Dad into sending you away.” Clary sighs, and lays down on her bed. She feels Johnathon fall back next to her, making the bed bounce.

They’re parents dive back into their screaming match, and Johnathon brings himself up to rest his chin on his elbow. “You’re not the one that made the call. Haven’t you noticed how they handle everything? If they see a problem, they make it go away. They didn’t want to deal with me, so they sent me away. They didn’t want to deal with anyone knowing about you, so they locked you in here.”

Clary knew he was right. But she tries to picture herself as the popular cheerleader she was before, and feels uneasy. Before she let Jace pull her out of her shell, she was too afraid to show her friends the parts of herself she liked the most. She looks up at her wall, at a painting she did after her and Jace started dating, and smiles. “It could be worse.”

 

It takes weeks for Isabelle to confront Alec. She was too scared for what might come after. Their family was finally starting to feel normal again. On the weekends, their father would even come over for dinner, although Alec always seemed to be “out” when that happened. It’s late on a Tuesday night, and Isabelle knocks on Alec’s door, before opening it. He’s sitting on his bed, a textbook in front of him, loose paper everywhere. Just like he used to, before he started spending time with Jace.

“Hey,” he says, barely looking up. Isabelle slowly makes her way to the edge of the bed, but doesn’t sit down. She stands there for a moment, nervous, before Alec looks up. “What’s wrong?”

“I know what happened,” Isabelle says, and Alec feels himself start to panic. He didn’t know what she was talking about, but he had multiple things in mind. Even after opening up to his sister, after seeing his mother’s reaction to just a glimpse into his night-life, he chose to keep most things private. “With Raphael.”

Alec narrows his eyebrows. “What?” He vaguely remembers seeing Raphael at some point during his drug-hazed few weeks, but most of it was a blur.

Isabelle takes a deep breath, fighting back tears. “He was the one who found you, and brought you back home.” Images of a girl on a bed, and a van run through Alec’s mind. He feels guilt start creeping up his spine. “And now he’s going to prison,” Isabelle says. Her voice is shaky.

“Izzy, I didn’t know.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Izzy says. “Alec, I…” she trails off, calming herself down before continuing. “I’ve been here for you, forever. I accepted who you are. When you were gone I held Max together. I know you’ve struggled, but I’m the one who’s always been here. And you just left.”

“Mom kicked me out,” Alec responds, feeling his voice raise.

“I know. And it was horrible. But it was different, when you were staying with Jace. At least then I knew where you were. You went missing, for weeks. Max thought you were dead. I had to reassure him that you weren’t. Even though I didn’t believe it.”

Alec clenches his jaw. “I’m sorry, but you don’t know what it’s like. You’ve always been perfect, Isabelle. Everyone always liked you. You get good grades, you’re a cheerleader. Mom and Dad love you. You wouldn’t get it. I’m a stranger in my own home.”

“But I never treated you like one,” Isabelle’s yelling now. She hears the wood creak from footsteps outside the door, most likely Max. The two wait for him to close his bedroom door before continuing. “And through all of it, Raphael is the one who kept me sane. No matter how upset I was, how worried I was, he was always there for me. And now he’s gone.” Alec doesn’t say anything; he just stares at her. He watches as she wipes away her tears, and leaves the room.

 

That Friday, Alec roamed the halls, looking for a quiet place to write his valedictorian speech. All of his classmates were concerned about prom, but Alec knew it was a hopeless case for him. He hadn’t spoken to Izzy since their fight, and he knew it was going to stay that way for a long time. He turns down a small hallway, and stops in his tracks. In front of him, Magnus presses a girl against the wall, kissing her neck. Alec stares for a moment, until he gets spotted, and runs the other way. He hears footsteps behind him, and Magnus’s voice. Alec pushes opens a door leading to the side of the school, and stops, catching his breath. Magnus runs out a moment later, lipstick still smeared on the side of his mouth.

“It must be nice,” Alec says. “To just be able to go back to girls, and have no one suspect anything of you. You can just choose to date girls, and not tell anyone about who you really are, and everything would be okay.”

Magnus rolls his eyes, straightening out his clothes. “It’s not like that. You know that,” Magnus says. He lowers his voice. “She’s an ex. We were just having fun.”

Alec leans against the brick wall, and slides down. He places his books next to him, the speech forgotten. “Are you taking her to the dance?” He asks. They hadn’t spoken since that night at the club, only watching each other in the hallways.

Magnus scoffs. “I’m not going. It’s not really my scene,” he says. Alec laughs under his breath. Magnus sits down next to him, but leaves space. They sit in silence for a few minutes, listening to the buzzing of cars driving by. “So…” Magnus continues.

“Why were you at the clinic?” Alec asks. He had been wondering since that day, but couldn’t bring himself to ask. After his mother nursed him through withdrawal, he buried himself in schoolwork to stay distracted.

“I was nervous,” Magnus responds. “Ragnor’s gone. No service. They buried him on the edge of a cemetery. So that day, I went to get tested. Just in case.”

“Oh, Magnus, I’m so sorry,” Alec responds. “If I had known, I would have…”

“It’s okay. I know,” Magnus says. “So… what about you?”

Alec shivers, and buries his head into his knees. He hugs the front of his legs, trying to feel as small as he can. “I don’t know. I…” He looks back up at Magnus, with pleading eyes. It didn’t matter that so much time had gone by, he still wasn’t over the other boy. He wasn’t sure he ever would be. “After that night, I… I got caught up with a crowd, and there were others… I don’t remember if we…” Alec trails off, seeing the hurt in Magnus’s eyes. “The doctor said I was lucky.”

Magnus nods, a soft smile forming on his lips. “Doesn’t it seem like a second chance?” He asks, his voice quiet. Alec looks at him, feeling his chest tighten up. Magnus shifts, so that he’s sitting directly in front of the other boy. After looking around, he grabs his hand, gently. “Alexander Lightwood,” he says. “Will you go to prom with me?”

 

Jace waits for Clary’s parents to pull out of the driveway before he knocks on the door. Luckily, she answers, and not her brother. When she sees him, she doesn’t say anything, and tries to close the door, but he stops it with his foot. “Clary, wait,” he yells.

“What?” She snaps. Jace looks around, gesturing to her neighbors. With a sigh, Clary lets him in, but stands with her arms crossed. “I didn’t think I would see you again.”

Jace groans, and hands her a piece of paper. It’s his report card for the semester. “Straight As,” he says. “And a B in math, but they’re letting me graduate anyway.” Clary looks at the paper, then back up at him, her eyebrow raised. “I’ve been studying my ass off. I got a job at that stupid corporate record store in the mall.”

“The one you said is full of sell-outs?” Clary asks.

“They are a bunch of fucking sell-outs,” Jace says. “No one worth getting to know listens to ABBA for fun.” He pauses. “But, anyway, I… This is proof, Clary. That I’m not just deadbeat trailer trash, like my dad. I want to be there for you. I want to provide for you. I want to be a family, even if having to watch a baby is gonna suck.” Clary stares at him. “It would be worth it, by the way. With you. If you’ll have me.”

Clary looks back at the report card, and sighs. After a moment, she wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. “Fine,” she says. “Let’s do this, together.”

 

When Alec pictured prom, he didn’t picture it in Magnus’s living room, with a small punch bowl and cheesy decorations. “Catarina,” Magnus says. “She got excited when I told her.” Alec laughs, looking up at the streamers, before settling his eyes on the other boy. Magnus stuns him, in a fitted, purple suit, and styled hair. His eyeshadow matches the suit, accenting the darkness of his eyes.

Alec blushes, noticing how Magnus’s eyes travel up and down his body. He tried to make an effort, but had to settle on the same suit he wore for one of his father’s promotion dinners years before. It still fit, but the pants were too short, exposing his ankles. “I brought you this,” he holds up a light blue corsage. “I thought it would suit you.”

Magnus smiles, and takes it. He puts it on his wrist, admiring it. “Want to check out the punch bowl? It’s spiked.” Alec nods, and follows him to the kitchen. The night starts off slow, with some small talk, until Magnus puts on the radio.

They don’t dance at first, just listening to a few songs, until a familiar beat comes on. Magnus laughs, and gets up off the couch. He holds a hand out to Alec. “No way,” Alec says.

“Come on, it’s fun!” Magnus yells. He pulls Alec up anyway, and pulls him to where there’s more room. Alec watches as he spins in time with the music, then sways with the drum beat. _“If you say run, I’ll run with you,”_ he sings along, and then raises an eyebrow at Alec, who shakes his head again. Magnus grabs Alec’s hands, forcing him to dance. It’s awkward at first, but eventually, Alec gives in and finds the beat.

“David Bowie? Really?” Alec tries to protest.

“You know you love it,” Magnus responds. “I know you do.”

Alec thinks back to all the late night conversations they had, theorizing what the future held, touching each other. He missed the smell the Magnus’s cologne, the way he got lost in a song. Magnus pulls away to moonwalk across the carpet, and Alec can’t help it. As the next verse of the song fades in, Alec frames his face, like he had seen on TV. Magnus laughs, but Alec keeps going. He holds up two peace signs with his hands and runs them in front of his eyes. As the chorus comes back around, Alec grabs the other boy’s arms, and starts slow dancing.

Magnus smiles at him, and they sing together. _“Because my love for you, would break my heart in two.”_ Magnus spins Alec around, pulling him down. He tries to catch him, but the taller boy flails awkwardly and they both end up on the floor. The song goes on as they both laugh.

Alec grabs hold of Magnus’s hand and brings it to rest on his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Stanford sooner,” he says. “I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you. I still can’t.” Magnus shakes his head.

“I shouldn’t have left you at that club,” Magnus responds. He lays down next to Alec, and their fingers intertwine. “For the record, I didn’t get into the drama school.” He feels Alec squeeze his hand. “But… I did hear the Rolling Stones are touring over the summer. And I’ve always wanted to follow someone on tour.”

“I know how much you like Mick Jagger,” Alec says, and they both laugh.

 

As soon as his grandmother is finished getting her lipstick all over his face, Simon rushes upstairs to grab his gown for graduation. He was salutatorian, and was thankful he didn’t have to give a speech. He nearly misses it, but on his desk, he spots an envelope. On the outside, he recognizes Alec’s handwriting, reading _“I’m Sorry.”_

He opens it carefully, pulling out of piece of lined paper, titled _Valedictorian Speech._ As he’s reading it, admiring the cheesiness, he starts to feel nausea take over, and it starts to become clear. He sits down on his bed and takes a deep breath, realizing that this meant _he_ would have to be the one giving a speech that day.

“Fuck me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for reading! i really didn't want this ending to seem rushed, but i did feel like the story as a whole had really reached a climax point and was naturally nearing its end. 
> 
> i know not everything is resolved.  
> however, there will be time stamps! so look for those! i will put them into a sequel. there will also be an official 8tracks playlist.
> 
> let me know how you liked everything in the comments, and what sort of stuff you would like to see in the sequel.

**Author's Note:**

> I adore comments! <3


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